Australia Needs Our Gina
It’s only fair that Pearl gives Gina Rinehart the benefit of the doubt over her bid to control Australia’s media because, at any time, Gina could assume ownership of The Beast and put Pearl out of a job. I need the money now that I have separated from my third husband, who is trying to gain control of 23% of my personal assets, which amount to a touch over four thousand dollars. Why haven’t I received a letter from Barnaby Joyce declaring: “you are a family Australia needs”? Four thousand dollars is a lot of money!
The truth about ‘Our Gina’, as she should rightfully be called, is that she is a large, comfortable woman whose ambition in life is to secure her billions from her marauding children, allowing her the pleasure of lounging around on her couch all day, munching on pizza and slurping diet coke while watching Judge Judy and hoping to God that Dr Phil comes up with a way to foot the bill for her daughter’s numerous domestic staff. With such ambitions, Gina should have been made a National Living Treasure. Maybe it was a case of mistaken identity on the part of the National Trust, but I doubt very much that Clive Palmer can wear a white kaftan the way Our Gina does.
To paraphrase Joe Hockey, there is nothing wrong with an obscenely wealthy mining magnate wanting to own both a television station and a newspaper, and if the Greens had their way they would be handing Fairfax over to a family of dole bludgers living on the wrong side of Anzac Parade.
As was mentioned in the SMH letters page, there is not much difference between Our Gina and Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. Gina’s dad, the spunky Laing Hancock, showed his support for the poor many years ago when he stated: “The best way to help the poor is not to become one of them” – such benevolent words. And Gina is carrying on his tradition of philanthropy.
I’m sure Gina purchased a stake in the Ten Network to ensure that no other television station could get its hands on Law & Order SVU, and she is probably behind the acquisition of the fabulous Graham Norton Show too – I can picture her on the leading float at next year’s Mardi Gras, wearing a Camilla kaftan of course.
To all those cynics out there, Our Gina gave Andrew Bolt his own show because she feels sorry for the ostracised right-wing hack. Seriously, who else would be prepared to give Andrew a job? Such a lovely man too, saying such flattering things about Gina, who I assume has issues with her larger frame.
And who can criticise Gina for inviting Lord Monckton to her former alma mater, St. Hildas, to warn against the evils of climate change science? Wealthy young girls should be warned that their ‘lifestyles’ are under threat from the loony-left – the Maserati is far more important than rising sea levels!
After much soul searching, I now concede that the meeting between Lord Monckton and a group of mining industry leaders in which he spruiked his dream of the super rich gaining control over the media and exerting their views over policymakers and the public does not in anyway reek of fascism. The populace should not be concerned that one day a greedy woman could be running the country for the sake of her purse.
Remember readers: Gina is doing it for Australia. Her only desire is for Australia to have the honour of having the richest person in the world on our shores. Our Gina is a woman that “Australia needs“!