Login | Sign Up

Submit an Article

Arts Food News Other People Sport Videos

Beardy from Hell – October 2018

By Beardy from Hell on October 11, 2018 in Other

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23
There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating in a dark corner of a movie theatre, except maybe during school holidays.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22
At some stage you’ll abuse your position of power to take advantage of someone under your control, and you’ll thoroughly enjoy it.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21
Don’t confuse being boring with being a good listener. If you can’t bring anything to the conversation, you’re not worth talking to.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20
Using a KeepCup probably doesn’t compensate for the massive environmental damage your privileged Eastern Suburbs lifestyle entails.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19
A forgiving mirror is a far better investment than a gym member- ship, especially for someone as sloth-like and lazy as you.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20
You will no longer be able to resist the powerful urge to snap off a turd in public, so make sure you always carry a leaf.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20
Politics is not like footy – you don’t have to stick with supporting the same shit team your whole life. Maybe it’s time for a shake up?

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21
Be careful not to run over your selfish f*ckwit neighbour’s barking dog, unless you can be absolutely sure that no one is watching.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21
Putting heaps of cushions on your bed may look cool on the one day a month you make it, but the rest of the time they’ll just be annoying.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22
A weird dream about making love to an overweight person will haunt you, making your life quite difficult until you actually do it.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22
Never ever let anyone see your Spotify history. Your taste in music is way more embarrassing than the weird shit you search on Google.

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23
If you read about some miracle cure for cancer on an obscure website with the word ‘green’ in the URL, keep that horse shit to yourself.

NO COMMENTS YET. DON'T BE SHY, TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

Comment

Best Of The Archives

The Beast.