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I Demand On Demand

By Kieran Blake on November 14, 2018 in Other

I demand uncrowded perfection, by Al Merrick

The enormous success of On Demand public transport services to the Eastern Suburbs has prompted the NSW Government to extend On Demand services to other spheres of life.

Local residents will soon be blessed with On Demand light rail, NBN, teenagers, weather and surf, all through the iMDemanding app.

“The outstanding Sydney public transport network provides the basis for this new suite of On Demand services,” boasted a NSW Government spokesperson.

“The OnDemand buses in the Eastern Suburbs are expected to be as efficient and reliable as our existing public transport services and, with that in mind, we are very excited to announce the release of a broad range of new On Demand services available to everyone at the touch of a button.”

The spokesperson then outlined the services to be included in the app:

ON DEMAND LIGHT RAIL

An environmentally-friendly, cost effective alternative transport service, delivered on time and on budget, with minimal disruption to residents.

ON DEMAND NBN

A reliable, functioning, well- managed, accessible high-speed internet service, usually found only in wealthy, industrialised, technologically-advanced nations blessed with an abundance of resources and the requisite intellectual capital.

ON DEMAND TEENAGERS

New model teenagers, more technologically advanced than previous models, who will clean their rooms, switch off their phones, show gratitude, do chores, read a book, converse in full sentences and do their homework, as well as accepting that their academic failure was the result of their laziness and insolence and not the tireless efforts of their overworked and underpaid teachers.

ON DEMAND WEATHER

The ultimate solution to the drought in NSW. On Demand rain, for a specified duration. Localised weather patterns bring rain to exactly where it is wanted, such as your garden, your lawn or the holiday house down the coast. Advanced settings can direct rain to fall without touching the clothesline. Conversely, sun can also be ordered for a wedding or other special occasion, as can onshore winds for the perfect sundowner in summer. Offshore winds can also be programmed for the ultimate feature of the iMDemanding app, On Demand surf.

ON DEMAND SURF

The perfect wave. Users can order barrels or fat, spilling waves, small playful waves or double overhead bombs, left or right handers, at any time on any of the Eastern Beaches. What’s more, VIP members are guaranteed priority and Gold VIP members can simply make other surfers vaporise.

“You, just a few mates and perfect waves,” beamed the spokesperson.

“Kelly might have created the perfect wave, and the Bra Boys can allegedly make surfers disappear, but only the iMDemanding app can do both.”

All of the services mentioned above will soon be available on the iMDemanding app, which is set for release later this month and can be accessed while waiting for the bus.

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