There are so many issues to cover within my 500-word limit this month, but let’s see if I can achieve a seamless merger between topics. First up, the deadly coronavirus… The virus’ source is suspected to be lin...

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Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Book yourself in for a colonoscopy. It’ll be worth it just for the chat with the specialist, they’re great for a yarn those blokes. Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Stop being such an impatient prick. Just...

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As America, the UK and Australia struggle under an Axis of Incompetence, The Unreliable Guide has been wondering what makes a good leader. Leadership is defined as ‘the action or ability to lead a group of people or an...

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Australia is the greatest nation on earth, and Australia Day is the best opportunity for Eastern Suburbs residents to join their fellow patriots in proudly displaying their national pride. After all, the beloved leader o...

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As the east coast of Australia burns due to our nation’s arrogant indifference to climate change, the self-deluding craziness of our selfish society really begins to emerge. We have the absent prime minister placing it...

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Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 It’s looking like a bit of loving could be on the radar. It’ll set you back around $250 but it will be worth every cent. Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 As another year of failure comes to an end, make...

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Most religions preach that we should practise what the Buddhists call “loving-kindness”. The Bible encourages the practice with the suggestion that, “love covers a multitude of sins”, while the Quran exhorts beli...

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A group of angry fathers from the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney has launched a massive class action against Santa Claus under accusations of adultery. The furious fathers submitted the case to the High Court of Australia aft...

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The Joys of Pearl Hi Pearl – As per usual, an excellent insight into society (Has Australia Reached Peak Commission and Inquiry?, The Beast, October 2019). Can we add to your request for Royal Commissions a Royal C...

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Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 Before placing the vacuum cleaner on your genitals, carefully check the settings and make sure no one can see into your room. Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 You are a goat, so you should behave like on...

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