Woe betide, it’s Christmas! As my loyal fans know all too well, Pearl never misses an opportunity to impart sensible advice during this holy time of consumption lunacy. So, my first piece of advice: if you are thinking...

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Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 You’ve had an up and down year but you’re going to end 2019 on a huge high, so make the most of your amazing form. Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 A rather solid stool will somehow end up sideways in ...

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Eastern Suburbs parents have reacted with horror to news that international crime syndicates will use this year’s Halloween festivities to recruit local children into their organisations. Parent chat groups and school ...

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Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Despite leaving no stone unturned, the origin of the foul-smelling fluff in your undies will remain unknown. Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Your parents may be bloody annoying, but at the end of the day you’...

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Recent events have reminded The Unreliable Guide of Euripides’s quote, “Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.” Being a fairly wise bloke, he also realised that, “One loyal friend is worth ten thousand re...

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Scott Morrison and his family have been forcibly removed from the Sutherland Shire and sent back to Morrison’s birthplace, the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney. The Prime Minister, his wife and two daughters were kicked out o...

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Australian politicians love a good old Royal Commission or Parliamentary Inquiry to divert the media’s attention away from the plight of fluffy animals and climate change. There’s nothing more cleansing to the soul t...

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Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Whatever it is that’s been getting on your nerves for a while, you need to deal with it now so you can move on with your life. Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Although you think that smoking hot work colleague ...

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Wedding Cake Island has become the first piece of the Commonwealth of Australia to be formally ceded to China as the emerging superpower looks to expand its presence in our region. According to a document leaked exclusiv...

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Undirected or child-driven play, where kids get to run amok and have fun without adult interference, is so important to their development that it has been recognised by the United Nations as a human right. According to p...

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