Take The Money And Run

By Todd Maguire on February 21, 2013 in Other

Mr. Steve Donovan was the CEO of a global financial agency based at Martin Place in Sydney. He was a grumpy and wickedly evil man with a diploma in nastiness. He ran an extremely tight ship and was on top of any leaks well before they surfaced. Life to him was all about chasing the dollar, and he sure had plenty of them. He held absolutely no people skills whatsoever, treating his employees like a bunch of simpletons. Most employees secretly called Mr. Donovan ‘New Shoes’, because he was very, very hard to wear.

Once a month New Shoes would rally his one hundred employees into the auditorium meeting room and give them a drilling on how certain aspects of their performance was hindering the growth of his thriving financial company. New Shoes was successful in cutting out their afternoon tea break and did not allow personal phone calls during work time. He even monitored their computers to catch out unsuspecting employees partaking in any form of social media. If it were possible he would have stopped his employees from greeting each other as they rode in the lift or smiling as they passed each other in the reception area.

All the employees were on a great financial wicket, so they did not like to rock the boat too much. They just put up with the tyranny of the CEO and banked their healthy pay packet each week.

At the latest meeting, New Shoes sunk to a new level in Nazi-styled employee management.

“I am sick to death of this idle chatter that continually fills the air of this establishment!” he hollered to the gathered employees.

He then waved a pile of bank cheques over his head and spoke in an even more venomous voice.

“I have cheques here made out to ‘Cash’ for the amount of two thousand dollars each. That will be your redundancy pay if I catch anyone talking when they should be working!”

The employees took heed of the CEO’s rant. Two thousand dollars and a kick up the backside wouldn’t quite cut it in the outside world.

The employees were dismissed and returned to their workstations. After lunch New Shoes made a tour of the three levels of his offices. He was pleased that there was not a sound to be heard – that is, until he exited the lift at level three. In the far corner office the CEO could somehow sense a murmur. As he neared the office at the furthest extent of the floor he spotted a man chatting to the Head of Personnel. There was even a small amount of banter happening between them.

“Are you a fool, man? I told you that I would get rid of anyone talking during work time.” New shoes was absolutely furious. “Now take your two thousand dollars and get the hell out of here, you peanut!”
The man seemed stunned at first, but gladly took the check from the CEO, smiled at him and left the building.

“I cannot believe the incompetence and brashness of some people!” New shoes turned to the Head of Personnel. “Out of interest, what was the name of that foolhardy employee?”

“He was just a job applicant, sir. He was looking for the vacant mail room position,” the Head of Personnel informed the CEO. “I think you may have really made his day.”

New Shoes’ face suddenly lost all hint of colour. He skulked off and locked himself in his office for the rest of the afternoon. There he sat, licking his wounds in preparation for the next calculated Blitzkrieg on his seemingly faithful employees.