Finally… iPaid

By Gerald McGrew on February 27, 2013 in Other

Was it really over two and a half years ago in these very pages that I mightily sledged the iPad’s arrival?

A quick scout through the archives reveals I called it: “a massive iPhone that can’t make calls, or a small, underpowered laptop without a keyboard. Or a bit of both.” Then I took time out to pass judgement on the different types of new Apple iThing buyers: the gotta-have-it-first crowd; the self-conscious early adopters; and, of course, the rabid Apple fanboys. Each has its own peculiarities – for example, the gotta-have-it-first crowd are dickheads, while the Apple fanboys are dickheads. Both are easy to spot!

However, there is one group of Apple customers I left out back then, and that, of course, is the group I belong to. Let’s call this group ‘they-worked-out-ages-after-everyone-else-that-something-is-actually-quite-good-and-now-feel-silly-admitting-it’. You see my employer just purchased me an iPad and now I have a confession to make.

Unlike a 25 year-old recent ex-virgin male raving to his mates about the joys of getting laid, I’ve been trying to play it relatively cool about how much I enjoy using my shiny and new (or for the rest of the developed world, smudged and old) touch-screen toy. In contrast to my laptop, which I hunch over while banging feverishly at the keyboard, the iPad has me casually swiping my way through the Internet with the relaxed demeanour of a hipster absent-mindedly fingering his moustache wax.

The laptop has always made me feel like I had to be online to ‘do something’, whereas the iPad lets me chill, sit back, get the fingers working and see where it goes. I presume this is the difference between a prostitute and a second date. And it’s easy to see why the tablet has provided such stimulus to the online shopping game. Even without the dubiously soothing qualities of Westfield’s muzak there’s something about sitting in a favourite chair with a tablet computer that really loosens the credit card, whether stoned or not.

Of course there’s always a downside to all of this iPad excitement. I’m not quite ready to capitulate just yet.

For example, I haven’t dared to put any games on the iPad. Reliable sources tell me these things are like crack cocaine. In fact, I recall a dark period with Angry Birds on my iPhone a couple of years ago. I’d have a quick game two to three times a night when popping outside for a cheeky ciggy. Six weeks later and my new chain-smoking habit convinced me to give up on iPhone games altogether.

Then there is the little matter of having to pay Apple for your music, games and movies. While I’ve ranted against this closed revenue model for years, I can happily inform you that there are now easy ways to get around it. Of course there are the ethics of procuring ‘free’ stuff on the Internet, but that’s a topic for another time.

With all that said, I wonder how many of you followed my sage advice from July 2010, to buy up big in Apple stock? If you didn’t, then you missed out on one of the greatest share runs in recent history… and you didn’t double your money.

This is fine, of course. After all, I didn’t invest in the bastards either!