Ride ‘Em Cowboy

By Todd Maguire on May 23, 2014 in Other

Dave was definitely not a slave to fashion. It was his gorgeous wife Lisa who made him wear the occasional fancy garment. But when she came home with a trendy cowboy hat for him to wear at the beach, he felt his manly days were numbered.

“You look really macho,” his wife’s fruity hairdresser purred. “You can round up my cattle anytime!”

This friendly comment really cut to the bone. No matter how hard Dave tried, he couldn’t manage to lose the hat nor deter his darling wife from making him wear the damn thing.

It was on a winter trip to Bali that – fortunately for Dave – the cowboy hat finally came into its own. Relaxing at an out of the way island in a classy hotel was paradise for the loving couple. They spent their days sunning, swimming and Dave even managed to sneak in a daily surf during the high tide.

One particular afternoon spent at a secret little beach behind their hotel had all the elements of romance: empty white sand, crystal clear water and a picnic lunch washed down with a couple of chilled beers. It was an extremely amorous setup.

As one might expect, one thing led to another and the pair threw caution to the wind, quickly becoming engulfed by unbridled passion. During the session of ‘hanky panky’ the cowboy hat held its ground, somehow managing to stay wedged on Dave’s beaming, sweating head.

As the couple lay in the sun in their birthday suits, slowly regaining their breath, they failed to notice a small cruise ship pass by and dock at the hotel. The passengers had been treated to a lively show and the captain radioed in to hotel security to report the act of indecency.

As the couple lay in privacy, tanning their bottoms, the hotel security officer approached them, blowing his whistle and shouting at them in his best English.

“You must wear the clothes here. Not for nuding! No! No!”

Dave and Lisa sheepishly donned their swimming attire and apologised to the small Indonesian man. They were genuinely embarrassed and wondered how on Earth they were spotted at their secret location.

Back at the hotel that evening, the romancing couple enjoyed a pre dinner cocktail by the poolside bar with a few of the other guests. A couple of German fellows, Boris and Myron, were sitting at the bar having a good chuckle to themselves over some photos on their digital camera. Dave and Lisa had enjoyed a drink with the boys the previous evening so they joined them to see what all the fuss was about.

“Look, see,” Boris offered his camera. “We see couple have ‘jiggy jig’ at beach today.”

“Yes,” Myron added with his broken English and a look of puzzlement. “We not know who them are because the man have cowboy hat to hide his face, but anyways, he very lucky man we think!”

There was no shade of red deeper than the instant hue on the faces of Lisa and Dave. They ordered another cocktail to help disguise their embarrassment and discretely tried to change the subject of conversation. By the time they were on their third cocktail they could finally see the humour in their afternoon of ‘willy-nilly’ antics.

Fortunately for Dave, being supposedly caught out by the Germans was a big winner. Firstly, his dreaded cowboy hat had proven to be the ultimate disguise during his romantic romp. More importantly, things got even better when his wife demanded the hat be thrown straight in the bin. There was no way that Dave could wear the cowboy hat around the hotel guests and have their secret blown right open.

The next morning Dave woke early, walked to the local village and bought a new hat – a handmade, broad-brimmed straw rice farmer’s hat. The new headwear certainly looked odd, but fortunately his gorgeous wife had absolutely no say in his purchase nor in his fashion sense from that day forward.