Safe In A Conservative Man’s Hands

By Pearl Bullivant on May 15, 2015 in Other

Congratulations to the people of NSW. Not only did you elect Mike Baird as Premier on March 28, you also wholeheartedly endorsed the privatisation of electricity and the mining of coal seam gas. Thanks heaps for voting to sell off our power source, potentially to a Chinese government-owned corporation with corruption allegations levelled against it. Thanks, too, for actively voting to poison our water supply and farming lands so that multinationals can access coal seam gas despite British health professionals calling for fracking to be banned. Here in Australia we’d much rather believe a gas company, with the lure of jobs and false affluence, than the rhetoric of health professionals, and we’d much rather show our anti-establishment credentials by heckling officials at the Cricket World Cup than voting against cover ups and unethical conduct.

“Ooooh!” I hear you all cry. “Australians have way more important things to worry about than concerning ourselves with electricity, water and agricultural land,” you argue. “We’ve got huge mortgages to service, children to ferry to school and sport (in the SUV that needs updating each year) and long hours at work just to our ones basic ‘needs’ (i.e. the annual overseas holiday and smart phone upgrade),” you complain. “Plus, we all know that once we reach that polling booth, we are safer in the hands of a conservative government no matter what they dish out,” you reason.

Safer in the hands of a conservative government? Despite all the boorish bravado about our convict past and the ANZAC spirit, it never ceases to amaze Pearl that Australians feel this way. How amusing it is that we feel safer under governments that are prepared to destroy our environment, threaten our food sources, poison our water supply, erase our forests (resulting in erosion and global warming) and sell off government land at bargain prices to property developers who construct shoddily built rubbish for which they hold no responsibility.

Let’s not forget the huge number of trucks on the road, a failing public education system (whilst private schools reap all the rewards) and the fact our federal government is itching to adopt a US style health system where only the rich get better.

Clearly I’m neglecting to acknowledge the ‘real’ dangers that a conservative government will protect us from: the unemployed, aged pensioners, the disabled, Indigenous ‘lifestyle seekers’, ‘illegals’, greenies and any not-for-profit organisation that supports these ‘bludgers’ or dares to take the government to task. Yes, a conservative government will make Australians feel safer from all those people who are out to destroy the middle class lifestyle, steal their hard earned taxes and clog the lanes on the M4.

It was fitting that the NSW election was held on the day of ‘Earth Hour’, an occasion once embraced by the trend-setting middle class but conveniently forgotten, just like the spectre of privatisation and CSG were conveniently forgotten at the polling booth.

So sweeties, I am looking forward to air-con and pool-pump loving Australians screaming about high electricity prices and squealing over the cost of groceries when our agricultural land is destroyed. Thankfully darlings, there’s nothing that uranium and genetic modification can’t fix, and we can always import our food from China (until another Hepatitis outbreak puts a huge burden on our public health system). I feel so safe in a conservative man’s hands!

Pearl xx