The Happiness Trend

By Dan Hutton on November 15, 2016 in

Remember the ‘Happiness Trend’? The trend promulgated by the Dalai Lama, which was quickly adopted and manipulated by Eastern Suburbites to validate the purchase of luxury items and showy displays of conspicuous consumption under the banners of ‘you deserve it’ and ‘live the dream’? The trend which exhorted stressed-out rich tossers to be mindful by adopting ‘thoughtful luxury’, doing yoga (while clothed in the altruistic Lululemon) and playing at being weekend hippies before climbing back behind the wheel of the double-parked Range Rover, mobile phone at ear and a spoonful of chia quinoa at mouth?

As with all middle class phenomena, the Happiness Trend quickly became oh so passé and ‘last year’. How many Dalai Lama visitations can one seriously be expected to sit through, especially when you’ve eliminated all factors in your life that led to suffering (walking), and cultivated factors that lead to happiness (an Apple iWatch)?

As such, the Happiness Trend underwent a ‘cultural shift’, morphing into its natural extension – the ‘Gratitude Trend’. The Gratitude Trend saw jaded, possession-weary Eastern Suburbites momentarily discard their iPhone 5 to take up writing implements to pen their thankfulness in a Kikki-K gratitude diary for all the luxury items and lifestyle opportunities they possessed in the face of economic adversity. Not everyone can own a beachside dwelling, two luxury cars, and a Hermes handbag, and afford to ski in Europe and send one’s child to a private school, so it became helpful to write it down as a reminder.

But like the Happiness Trend, the Gratitude Trend just wasn’t cutting it. Conceived as an antidote to negative emotions (anger and envy at the sight of your neighbour’s new Maserati), unfortunately gratitude became a chore to the Eastern Suburbite, whose natural sense of entitlement left them wondering if there was more to life.

As it turns out, there was more to life, and it was found in… the ‘Kindness Trend’. Pearl predicts that the Kindness Trend is one of endurance, one that can be suitably adapted to the special needs of the affluent, remaining relevant and fresh for years to come. The Kindness Trend exhorts the devotee to forgive themselves for misdeeds, like not picking up dog poo, or double parking. It tells us to ‘walk a mile’ in the shoes of the less fortunate by undertaking token acts like buying second hand designer clothes or setting foot in Auburn, and to ‘wear a smile’ (of smugness) in appreciation of one’s well-earned assets.

Most importantly, though, the Kindness Trend can be used in self-defence with the retaliating retort of “Show some kindness!” when an unsympathetic person complains about one’s Range Rover blocking their driveway, objects to one’s ‘dream home’ development application or whinges about one’s unleashed dog.

The Kindness Trend was created by two self-centred New Yorkers striving for empathy (from unkind people like Pearl), and since life has become a competition, the Kindness Trend will ensure that the affluent Eastern Suburbite is the ultimate winner.