Beardy From Hell – June

By Beardy From Hell on May 30, 2011 in Other

Gemini May 21-Jun 21

From May through to September, you are legally allowed to kill someone if they use all of the hot water.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23

Resist the urge to eat your way through the cold spell we’ve been experiencing lately. It will be summer again before you know it.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23

Cheat on your tax returns. The ATO factors this into the tax rates and the extra cash will pay for your compulsory winter holiday.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23

Don’t bother going to the beach at this time of year. Instead, spend your spare time in the lovely environs of Westfield Bondi Junction.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23

There’s nothing worse than getting dragged by your partner to Ikea, only to have to replace the crap you bought there a few days later.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22

Don’t get rid of your overweight current squeeze just yet. Their body warmth is saving you a fortune in electricity bills.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22

If something leaves a bad taste in your mouth this month, brush your teeth and get over it so no one else has to smell your disdain.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20

It’s fairly common and acceptable to get caught picking your nose in public, but getting caught picking your arse is a different kettle of fish.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19

When life gives you lemons, buy a bottle of tequila and a box of Maldon salt flakes (we’re in the Eastern Suburbs) and make the most of it.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

Avoid filling your life with more work. You need to learn how to relax and do nothing every now and then or you will burn out before you know it.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20

Salt & Pepper weren’t just an awesome ’80s hip hop duo, they will also help you to cover up your lack of skills in the cooking department.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20

A new pair of ugg boots will not only warm your feet up in the cooler months, they will also complement your questionable dress sense.