Why You Should Schedule Sex

By Matty Silver, Sex Therapist on July 5, 2018 in Other

Monthly plough reminder, by Buster Flange.

One issue my clients with relationship problems often complain about is the fact that their sex life has become boring. They remember the days when they had sex a lot and it was spontaneous. It just happened; there was no planning, thinking or scheduling involved and it was usually fun and exciting.
But the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth – it just isn’t. Sex doesn’t just mysteriously happen; if you want to have great sex you have to create the time and space to get in the mood and look forward to it. The best way to do that is planning or scheduling sex, which can be as romantic and enjoyable as other pleasurable planned activities.
We plan the shopping, the cooking and other activities for enjoyment. When you plan a beautiful dinner, you have to work out what to buy and cook. When you go on a holiday, you have to decide when, what destination and what hotels to book. These activities involve anticipation, which is part of the fun. So why should planning to have sex be different?
I remind women of the early days when they were dating; when they would wash the sheets, shave their legs and wear sexy underwear to make sure they would look good, just in case! Wasn’t that also some sort of planning?
Setting time aside for sex and making a date with your partner may sound odd, but it’s a really good idea. You have time to prepare and can devote your attention to each other. It’s nice to dress up and have a romantic dinner, like you used to have in the early years. You don’t always need to go out either, you can come up with some fun ideas to do at home.
Start foreplay early in the morning on the day you expect to have sex, and do nice things like text or call each other during the day, or maybe send a sexy email. Sex is supposed to be fun, and the more fun you make it the more enjoyable it will be. Be more spontaneous; you can try new positions, use different toys, wear sexy lingerie or do anything that creates a special mood. Make the bedroom look more inviting by removing the clutter and get some dimmer lights and candles.
Determine which time of day you prefer to have sex. It doesn’t have to be at the end of the evening when you go to bed and both of you are tired or exhausted. It needn’t be in the bedroom either, so use your imagination.
Not everyone likes sex early in the morning but set your alarm half an hour earlier and give it a try. For parents, plan having sex during the day or on the weekend when it may be easier to have the children looked after or parked somewhere for a while.
Keep in mind, if you don’t plan time with your partner to have sex and be intimate, desire can slowly fade away.