Beardy From Hell – April 2014

By Beardy, Knower of Things on April 3, 2014 in Other

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
Your naive optimism in the face of adversity requires some readjustment. Just remember: that which does not kill you, will eventually kill you.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20
Avoid making any kid of physical contact with anyone for a while. People will react as if you’ve violated them, even at the slightest touch.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21
Even though you’re pretty average, you should always be yourself. Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter won’t give a shit.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23
Get out of your comfort zone and do something crazy. You’ll always wind up more pissed off about the things you didn’t do than the things you did.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23
Learn to identify when your mates are talking shit. If they can’t explain something for you to understand, odds are they don’t understand it themselves.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23
I’m all for being motivated but you’ve taken the fitness thing way too far lately. Next time you feel the need to exercise, lie down until it goes away.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
Use your hilarious sense of humour to achieve your own agenda. If you can make someone laugh, you can make them do just about anything.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
Whatever it is that you’re currently working on, you must win at all costs. The bloke who said “losing builds character” was a loser.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22
Being all positive and optimistic about everything is nice, but it’s much easier to be a pessimist – at least that way you’ll never be disappointed.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20
You’re slowly coming to realise that all your hard work is getting you nowhere. Sit back and relax; laziness is the mother of all efficiency.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
Stop buying so much crap. Go and do something mildly constructive with your time instead of wasting more money on shit you don’t need.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
Make life easier and just be yourself. As Dr Seuss says: “Today you are you, and that is truer than you. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”