Beardy From Hell – June 2014

By Beardy on June 5, 2014 in Other

Gemini May 21-Jun 21
Try loosening up a bit and exploring your sexuality. Just because you enjoy a pinky in the bum does not make you a hectic anal pirate.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23
Everyone has a crazy friend but yours is the craziest. Try to find the right balance between being a prude and allowing them too much free rein.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23
Do not tolerate accusations of arrogance. It’s okay to think you’re better than people from other parts of Sydney because you actually are.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23
Stop idolising celebrity chefs. Being a chef is punishment for going shit at school. They hate it so much they don’t even work in their own restaurants.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
Arguing on social media is a waste of time. If you really want confrontation, get out and have a one-on-one street stink, Jimmy and Dave style.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
Never judge a book by its cover, but by all means get online and read the reviews. Translation: it’s okay to ask their ex-partner if they’re a c***.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22
The way people treat you is a reflection of what you project. If you feel like you’re being treated poorly then you most probably deserve it.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20
Running away won’t solve your problems. When the grief keeps following you around you’ll eventually realise that the problem is you.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
Imagine the money you could save if you gave up coffee for a month. If you haven’t killed anyone by day ten you will have saved well over $50.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
Getting a sleeve substitutes for at least five years of fight training; getting a neck tatt is a guaranteed blackbelt in anything. Instant toughness.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
When engaging in the ancient art of anal tongue dart, be careful to avoid cross pollination, unless you are an asparagus plant.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20
Hold back when arguing with friends; always keep a few tricks up your sleeve and don’t play the death card unless you actually want the person to die.