Beware Of The Fat Cat

By Todd Maguire on March 10, 2011 in Other

The gigantic tomcat basking in the morning sun sent an uncontrollable shiver up his spine. Blake broke out into a streaming sweat as the oversized feline brought back a childhood nightmare. It had been a long time between drinks, but this fat cat evoked a bad memory that would never dissolve.

As a youngster, Blake’s family home had two friendly, slender cats. His dad built a cat flap in the back door so that the family pets could come and go as they please. Blake was very fond of the two cats despite some schoolboy pranks he loved to play on the self-absorbed animals.

New neighbors had moved in next-door and brought with them the largest, oversized tomcat that Blake had ever seen. It was as big as four regular cats with a pair of dusters the size of two tennis balls. At twelve years old, Blake was a fair lump of a lad himself, but it seemed this cat was from another planet.

The tomcat was a law unto itself as it began to enter Blake’s house on its own accord. It would somehow squeeze its way through the cat flap and make itself at home. Blake was not one to mess with this gargantuan tomcat purely out of fear. To peg out its new territory the tomcat would leave its mark by urinating indiscriminately around Blake’s home. When his mum finally caught the cat mid stream she chased it out of the house with a broom and cursed it all the way home, never allowed to return, disgusting thing that it was.

Blake woke and dressed the next morning and headed to school. He thought none the better as a pungent aroma seemed to follow him along the short stroll to the house of learning. Probably something in the gutter he reckoned. When he sat down for class at 9 o’clock his classmates confirmed his concern.

“Sir, Blake doesn’t smell too good,” his classmate informed the teacher.

They were correct. Blake smelled like a polecat.

Blake’s brief descriptions of the wayward tomcat’s urinal antics were enough to warrant his temporary excuse from class.
“You better get yourself home and ditch those clothes,” the teacher ordered.

Blake grabbed his backpack and headed home to change his soiled clothing. He found a spare school uniform in the ironing basket, changed into it, grabbed his backpack and headed back to class, somewhat relieved.

He entered the classroom and before he could sit down, the pungent urinal odour was once again thick in the air.

“That cat must have got a hold of your spare uniform as well.”

The teacher felt for Blake, but again ordered him home for a fresh kit.

Back at home, Blake had no spare uniform. Instead he grabbed a fresh t-shirt and shorts from his drawers and briefly checked himself in the bedroom mirror.

“There’s no way that wretched cat could have made his mark on this gear,” he thought.

Again he donned his backpack and headed to class to face the music.

He entered the classroom once more but there was still a distinctly distasteful smell hovering over Blake. The poor lad was beside himself, embarrassed beyond belief and confused about how the cat had made such a widespread impression on his clothes. The bell for morning tea was welcome respite for Blake, who was on the verge of a tearful breakdown.

As the students retrieved their backpacks to get their snacks, young Jimmy grabbed Blake’s bag by mistake. He threw it down and unceremoniously began to dry retch.  The backpack was riddled with the worst stench he had ever encountered.

Following a closer yet cautious inspection, it was evident that the dreadful tomcat had liberally urinated all over Blake’s backpack. Unknowingly, the foul backpack had then proceeded to inject the pungent aroma of cat pee onto Blake’s clothing.

It is little wonder that Blake still holds an uncontrollable fear of oversized cats. The gigantic tomcat basking in the morning sun sent a shiver up his spine, but there was no pride on the line for Blake. He quickly crossed the road and gave this tomcat a very wide berth.