Correctamundo…

By Gerald McGrew on January 12, 2012 in Other

It is with a certain sense of smarminess, usually seen only in a Rupert Truscott-Hughes article, that I look back on my 2011 online predictions.

This time last year I said that MySpace would succumb. Tick. When Rupert Murdoch bought it for $580 million in 2005 it was the undisputed king of the social networks. When it sold in June 2011 for a reported $35 million it was obvious that only a major scandal at News Ltd would distract everyone from the loss of half a billion dollars. Nice timing, Murdochs!

I thought that everything would get a touch screen in 2011. Tick. When was the last time you picked up a mobile phone and mashed the keys? Unless you’re a Blackberry user, I’d say it’s been at least a year. And if you do have a Blackberry, unless you want to keep mashing yourself instead of a willing partner I’d suggest you stop using it in public in 2012.

2011 would also be the year that the Xbox Kinect would scare the piss out of the Nintendo Wii. Tick. The Kinect sold millions, while anyone with a Wii stopped using it. Turns out the endless wristy efforts required by a Wii controller were too much for everyone except seasoned Blackberry users. And what about the Wii Fit, that thing that was supposed to replace exercise? Its pristine white surface collected black foot shite so easily that only homeless people were comfortable using it – and they were sadly lacking a 46” Sony TV to plug it into.

I did forecast that Google would buy something big in 2011. No tick. Unless it was the purchase of a hitman for a certain Apple executive (okay, that was too early – but any offended hipsters can just piss off).

2011 was also to be the year the DVD shop would become highly endangered. Another tick for McGrew. Most people would rather put money into Greek, Italian or Syrian government bonds than invest in a DVD store nowadays. Hell, you’d be better off buying MySpace shares.

Online retailing was something I thought would come of age in 2011, and indeed it did. When the official Christmas e-commerce sales figures come out the long-term future of traditional retailers, both big and small, will be so gloomy that they’ll jealously eye off lucky DVD store owners. In 2011 we also saw the average Internet user freak out about their online privacy, particularly as they bought more goods and services on the Internet. Another prediction tick, and the smug look on my face right now would induce even the calmest of you to punch me right in the balls.

My second last forecast was that tablet computers would be everywhere. Half a tick for this one. Right now all we hear is the endless blah about the Apple verus Samsung tablet war. Who actually gives a crap? Apple knobs don’t care, and if you’re passionate about Samsung’s tablets you need to meet the Blackberry dude. It’s not like either of you have anything else to do on a Saturday night.

My final 2011 prediction? No tick. Julian Assange is still alive and shagging. Allegedly.

As for the Webshite 2012 forecasts, all I can say for certain is that you’ll be waiting at least a month.

Happy New Year!