Dave Versus The Chook

By Todd Maguire on December 25, 2014 in Other

The remoteness of Mama’s guesthouse in the wilds of the equatorial region was worth the arduous effort of travel. With a perfectly formed surf break right out front of his bedroom window, Dave was at home with the elements and at peace with himself. Unfortunately nobody had told one of the family chickens that Dave loved his peace and quiet.

From day one at Mama’s house, one rogue chicken stood out like a pimple on a backside. Not only was it missing a leg, it had also cunningly targeted Dave and systematically set out to annoy the absolute shit out of him.

At first Dave felt sorry for the physically challenged chook. During mealtime it would loiter around the dining area and intermittently peck Dave on his bare feet under the table. At first it was a laugh, but when the wretched thing drew blood, Dave was not happy. The one-legged chook sensed Dave’s disapproval and decided to increase the stakes.

Following a morning surf, Dave returned to the comfort of his room for some rest, only to find the chook scratching, pecking and soiling his floor. The winged intruder managed to pooh on his bed, rip up his two surfing magazines and lay an egg under his pillow.

Dave, despite a growing sense of hatred, still felt sorrow for the dirty bird. He pondered how the chook must feel – struggling to get around on one leg, watching some fellow chooks disappear and end up on the dinner table and others fall victim to the local village python – the stress levels of the poor bird must have been at boiling point.

The next day the malicious chicken was at it again. Dave remembered to lock his door when he headed out for a surf this time, but somehow the beast of a thing still managed to get into his room through the window before committing the crime of all crimes. Dave opened his door and was confronted by the evil chook, glaring at him from the corner of the room. Sprawled all over the floor were numerous empty chocolate wrappers. The bird had eaten his secret stash of ‘Beng Beng’ chocolate bars. They were his chosen vice; the only drug he relied upon when in the tropics. It was the final straw.

Despite the rattling setback, Dave soldiered on. He didn’t mind being the underdog in this testing battle of wits. He was holidaying in paradise and would get over this feud with the chicken, by hook or by crook.

Dave stood his ground and put the menacing fowl out of his mind the best he could. He didn’t want his last few days to be spoiled by a vengeful bird. He surfed, he relaxed, he hung out with the family and he gave the chicken a wide berth. All was good.

Sticking to his guns paid off for Dave, the travelling surfer. On his last day with the family, the waves were the best they had ever been and he was excited, content and thankful. But the best was yet to come.

As he sat down at the dinner table that evening for his final meal at Mama’s house, Dave was finally the winner. The feast prepared was as good as ever, but this time Mama had outdone herself. Sitting proudly in the centre of the large dining table amongst all the Indonesian delicacies was a whole baked chook swimming in spicy sauce, which, oddly, was missing a leg.

Dave had finally triumphed over his pint-sized nemesis. He reflected on his time spent with the family and smiled, before rubbing his hands together, tucking a napkin into his t-shirt and ripping into the best baked chicken he had ever tasted.