Keeping Things Casual

By Matty Silver, Sex Therapist on November 26, 2015 in Other

Casual sex has always been around, but over recent decades it has become much more common and accepted.

In the 1960s, the arrival of the birth control pill led to a sexual revolution and a dramatic shift in traditional values, such as increased acceptance of sex outside marriage and casual sex with strangers. The fact that young people marry or settle down much later than their parents did also means they usually have many more partners.

Casual sex, or the more popular term ‘hook-up’, has almost become the norm now. The young are experimenting and many older people who have separated or divorced are wanting to enjoy life for a while. The many dating websites are proof of this.

One of my clients had been in a serious relationship for five years with a partner who was her first lover. When they split up and she moved out she didn’t want a new boyfriend again. She wanted to enjoy being single for a while and have casual sex. She saw me for just one session to get some ‘sex education’, as she felt quite insecure.

Some people believe casual sex relationships are easy and have no complications, but sex is loaded with emotions and often you can receive mixed messages, especially after having sex, which might leave you ecstatic for days. This can be a problem if the partner is not interested in romance or commitment. It’s really important to set strict rules before starting a casual relationship to avoid disappointment and heartache.

Another important issue is alcohol – often people regret or feel guilty about a sexual encounter after drinking too much – or not using a condom.

Nowadays with the rise of smart phones around the world, mobile dating apps have sprung up, which use GPS technology to match singles with others who are close by. One of the first to arrive was Grindr in 2009, which promoted easy hook-ups and was used almost exclusively by gay men. In 2011 Blendr (which mimics the format of Grindr) was launched and soon became popular with straight daters.

One of the most successful dating apps in Australia is Tinder, which is used almost as much by women as by men. Tinder’s technology allows people to use their mobile phone to browse profile photos of other Tinder users within a set geographical distance. It also links to Facebook, which shows a lot more information.

Not everyone using Tinder is looking for casual sex: for some it is a more convenient and easier way of meeting potential partners. It is also helpful for people who have busy lives. Instead of going out to a bar, they can connect and find people to chat to without leaving home. I’m told it can become very addictive.

Casual sex can be a good thing for people who are open to it, like it and have a positive attitude towards it.

But when it comes to sex, you should only do what works for you.