You Are Never Too Old

By Marcus Braid on June 20, 2014 in

Following sixty years of driving without a blemish on her record, Monica reckoned it was nearly time to hang up the boots and hand in her licence. Aged seventy-six, her wits were still as sharp as a tack, but the crowded roads and the increasing number of road rage incidents meant she was happy to retire. Driving wasn’t as fun as it used to be.

Monica was not short of a quid so she always drove around in the latest Mercedes coupe. It was one of the spoils she had kept up for the majority of her driving career. The German precision and the timeless style of the vehicle made it a pleasure to drive each day.

It was a fresh spring morning and Monica had a big day in store. There was her regular tai chi class for starters, followed by coffee with a few of the ladies. The coffee shop was where the ladies chatted and proceeded to solve the problems of the world. It was here at this meeting where Monica let the cat out of the bag about her impending retirement from driving. The friends were shocked at the news as they knew just how much Monica enjoyed driving and how much she loved her car.

“I can only give credit where credit is due,” Monica said. “My driving skills are being tested beyond their means these days with all the riff raff on the road. It is obvious that you can’t make strawberry jam out of manure with some people out on the road.”

Monica always stood her ground and never blew her own trumpet. Her friends certainly knew this and supported Monica’s well thought out decision. The ladies chatted away for the better part of the morning, having a good laugh as they exchanged a week’s worth of gossip.
On the drive home, Monica had a tear in her eye as she realised that this could possibly be one of her last journeys behind the wheel of the luxury car.

“I’ve had a good innings,” she lamented. “So there’s no reason to get my knickers in a knot over this silly rattle.”
An unscheduled stop at the local butcher helped distract her from her present sorrow. She had a gentleman caller visiting for dinner, and her special corned beef was always a winner.

Unfortunately parking at the local shopping centre was a sought after commodity and Monica had absolutely no luck finding a spot. On her third lap she miraculously spotted an opening. She may have been old but she had an eye keener than an eagle.

As Monica cautiously lined up the vacant parking spot a convertible BMW snaked it right before her eyes. Poor Monica couldn’t believe the hide of the driver as she gave the horn a solid blasting. As he jumped out of his car, the thieving piece of work simply gave Monica a wave and hollered, “Tough luck old lady, you’ve gotta be quicker and younger than that to beat me!”

The rudeness of the young man stopped Monica in her tracks. She was in shock as she sat and pondered. Strangely, the longer she sat, the broader her smile grew. Monica then did something she never thought she would ever do.

“That smartie pants may be younger and faster than me, but there is one thing I know for sure.” Monica thought as she revved the engine on her Mercedes Benz and clenched the steering wheel hard. “I may be a lot older, but I have car insurance I have never had to make use of for the past 60 years.”

With her foot pressed to the floor, Monica rammed the parked BMW, again and again and again. With the two cars pretty much wrecked, Monica threw her licence on the front seat of her car, smiled at the speechless BMW driver and walked home with a spring in her step.

Monica’s driving days were definitely done. She had corned beef to prepare and she was more than happy to go out with a final last hoorah.