Pearl For Premier

By Pearl Bullivant on January 21, 2011 in Other

Pearl is counting down the days to the State Election on March 26. I’m so excited by the drama of it all that I’ve seriously considered financing my husband as an independent candidate on the platform of ‘Say NO To 4WDs And Trendy Baby Stores In Clovelly’.

The thrill of placing ‘Vote 1: Blair Bullivant, Anti-4WD Party’ leaflets in letter boxes is making my skin tingle; the excitement of refusing to kiss babies in Bugaboos; the billboards with my husband’s sun-weathered face in front yards and on power poles – it’s all too much.

But don’t ask Pearl about the real policy issues. My plans for public hospitals, education, transport and electricity privatisation? Let’s be honest here – who really cares about the big issues? When the outcome of a Federal Election is almost determined by which candidate is offering the best tennis courts I honestly believe my husband, Blair Bullivant, is in there with a chance.

So instead of spending the next month on policy development and serious electioneering, I’m taking a leaf out of Barry O’Farrell’s books – he is in opposition and obviously knows the ropes. Have we heard how he intends to turn around our crumbling state? No. Instead, ‘One Policy B.O’ is placing his bets with the god-botherers by vowing to overturn the ethics classes that have been instituted in public schools. Forget about class sizes, lack of resources and the outrageous diversion of funding to private schools. No, for Barry, giving the Liberal Party’s bible-belt cronies access to young impressionable minds is as powerful as the ALP’s policy of giving property developers access to pristine, eco-sensitive crown land. I can just see a policy that punishes the children of non-believers winning the election for the Libs this time.

And I surmise that when the electioneering is really starting to heat up, the Liberals will roll out their tired and emotional ‘law and order’ scare tactic. Forget about hospital beds, according to the Liberal Party New South Wales is a sordid bed of criminal activity with thugs on every corner ready to roll old ladies like Pearl before retreating back into a Kings Cross injecting room.

Not that I’ve seen any credible policies coming from Kristina the American Pretender Queen, who is currently holding power by proxy for the property developers of this state. Instead, I’ve seen back flips, toadying, nanny-state-ism, Oprah-mania and a plan to increase the drinking age to 21! It’s yet another patch job by a Government that refuses to confront the real issues lest it offends its donors and the lobbyists. They just delay the inevitable by three years rather than combating binge drinking by restricting hotel opening hours and forcing people to drink at home and take responsibility for their own behaviour. It’s all too easy – even Pearl could be Premier!

So ‘Vote 1: Blair Bullivant, Anti-4WD Party’! So much lip service is paid to the ecological cause that a ban on 4WDs would have far reaching effects, unlike the ‘token’ yuppie environmental gestures of nose-to-tail eating, ‘organic’ sunscreen and eco-resorts. We’ll even throw in the ban on trendy baby stores for good luck. And should the Liberals win on March 26 and roll back the ethics class, may I suggest atheist parents stop depriving their children of the right to religious indoctrination. Instead, send them along with lots of evolutionary/neo-Darwinism questions to throw at the scripture teacher – that should put a quiet end to it all, without the need for another ethics trial.

Pearl… for Premier… xxx