Searches R Us

By Em Allen on July 13, 2012 in Other

Whoa! How did we really get halfway through 2012 without looking back at what the average Australian Google user searched for in 2011?

To be fair, I started my own online business recently, which has allowed me certain benefits such as working in my underwear. However, it has also led to me forgetting simple things, like reporting on our 2011 Google searches. And putting on pants before leaving the house. If you’ve seen me inadvertently parading my junk about the place, I blame the cold weather for any shrinkage.

So what were the Fastest Rising Search terms in 2011? Coming in first was ‘iPhone 5’, as excitement about the newest iteration reached fever pitch. Of course Apple didn’t release a ‘5’, instead simply adding an ‘s’ to the iPhone 4. Steve Jobs conveniently muted the uproar from the angry fanboy mob by shuffling off this mortal coil just before the new iPhone name was announced. No comment – literally.

In fourth spot was ‘planking’; who remembers that bullshit?! The Internet had a solid run on doing things ending with ‘ing’ after planking subsided, all of which could be loosely grouped under ‘cockheading’.

Then we had Adele, the songstress who… oops, sorry, I dozed off there. Her music does that to me. After her was Angry Boys, an accurate description of how Chris Lilley fans felt after watching the first three episodes, with Rebecca Black rounding out the top ten. Let’s just pretend all those thousands of people searching for Miss Black wanted to take the piss out of her, as the alternative is unthinkable.

The top ten searches for the phrase ‘what is’ yielded some interesting responses. Top of the list was ‘what is love’, then ‘what is energy’, then ‘what is planking’. Come on, enough of the planking already! Next was ‘what is culture’, which was probably mostly Sydney-based Poms reminding themselves what it looks like (hint: not Bondi or Lithgow). The final two in the list were ‘what is globalisation’ and ‘what is communism’. Oh, the irony! Some would say that if you don’t have one, you probably have the other.

The ‘Food & Drink’ category didn’t really throw up any surprises (boom tish). It was pleasing to see ‘Anzac biscuits’ and ‘scrambled eggs’ in there. It sounds like a great way to start the day – with a long neck of Resch’s and a Winnie Blue, of course. More worrying was ‘red velvet cupcakes’ topping the list. ‘Pork belly’ and ‘macaroons’ also featured highly. I suspect hipster activity. Yet there was no sign of an alcoholic drink anywhere. This is an Australian list! I demand that Google at least elevate VB, Tooheys or UDL into the top ten.

The ‘Sports’ searches were predictable – ‘AFL’, ‘NRL’, ‘Rugby’, ‘Cricket’ – although ‘UFC’ slugged its way to tenth position, proving there’s a little bloodthirsty bogan in more Australians than anyone suspected.

The ‘Image’ searches for 2011 remind us that everyone under 16 just loves looking at pictures online. ‘Justin Bieber’, ‘Katy Perry’, ‘Selena Gomez’, ‘Lady Gaga’, ‘Kim Kardashian’… it’s a frightening collection. Anyone who worries their kids are looking at Internet porn online needs to realise they have a bigger problem. Busty Kardashians are everywhere online. And Biebers are just one click away.

It might be time to unplug the Internet and send the kiddies out to learn to smoke!