Is Technology Affecting Our Sex Lives?

By Matty Silver, Sex Therapist on January 28, 2015 in Other

Our obsession with technology and all things digital can affect our relationships and sex lives. I often talk to people who complain that their partners are always reading text messages or checking social media.

One of my clients, who got married only six months ago, told me his wife always has her iPhone nearby and sometimes even answers it when they are having sex. He feels he is second best and has become angry and disappointed.

It’s not difficult to believe that people touch their mobiles more than they touch their partners, but what does it say if your partner would prefer to check his or her Facebook or Twitter account rather than join you in the bedroom?

Another way sex and technology have become enmeshed is through the many forms of Internet dating. Times have changed and a large number of people these days – including tech-savvy middle-aged and older Australians – are dating via the Internet, as it is no longer considered embarrassing.

Almost everyone has a device that can access the Internet now and the creation of a personal profile for a dating site is easy and popular. On some sites, however, you never really know who you are talking to, and a profile photograph may be 10 (or 100) years old, which could cause disappointment IRL (in real life).

Safety is also a concern when it comes to meeting people through the Internet. The well-known consumer magazine Choice published a good review of some of the most popular Australian dating sites, such as RSVP, eHarmony, Oasis Active, Ok Cupid and Gaydar, investigating their privacy policies, practices and mentioning some of the pitfalls.

The website Dating Sites Australia shows a list of general dating sites, including some for seniors, single parents, gays and lesbians, and religious and ethnic groups.

Sites that have online dating chat rooms, such as AdultMatchMaker Australia and RedHotPie, are also in demand. It seems that the digital scene we have today is much more conducive to finding ‘the right person’ than ever before.

There’s also the controversial but highly popular Ashley Madison dating site, which was created for partnered people who want to have an affair with no strings attached. Its slogan is ‘Life is short. Have an affair’.

Cybersex is yet another technological pleasure that couples can engage in, usually when they are not living together, are in a long-distance relationship or are apart for other reasons. Skype sex with the help of a webcam is a perfect way to keep in touch with a lover.

Then there’s sexting, which is most popular with the under 30s. It’s quite a pity that this is the case, because some teenagers, lacking in maturity, can get themselves in trouble by sending out embarrassing pictures that they may regret later. Sexting can be fun for people of all ages, as long as you do it with somebody you love and trust.

Other new trends include smart phone apps that are used for sex hook-ups with no strings attached. In Australia we have Grindr, a mobile social networking and dating app for gay men that uses GPS technology. Users can log on and instantly see other Grindr members in the area and share pictures and chat.

Tinder and Blendr are the heterosexual versions of the same app, and they also give users the exact proximity of people they may be interested in. There’s also the rather controversial Facebook app BangWithFriends, which is popular with young adults interested in casual sex.

So does all this technology make our sex lives easier or more interesting? Maybe you should put down your phone and find out…