The Unreliable Guide To… Keeping Pets


By Nat Shepherd on July 21, 2016 in Other

According to the Australian Veterinary Association, more than 63% of Aussie households have a pet, 39% a dog and 29% a cat, which, if you do the maths, means some happy homes have both. This might explain why the pet care industry in Australia is worth around $8 billion a year. Are you ready to lay down some dollars to have a furry friend in your life? The Unreliable Guide has some tips to help you decide…

Think about location
If you have thirty acres, by all means get a wildebeest or a giraffe, but if you live in a unit – and let’s face it, a great percentage of us Eastern Suburbs dwellers do – should you keep a pet at all? Your body corporate or landlord might say no way, but should that stop you? Friends of mine lived in a rental in Bondi for seven years with their cat, despite the fact that pets were absolutely forbidden. Every day they hid the cat in a guitar case and took it down to the park for a walk, and no one ever had the faintest idea (NB: don’t try this with a pit bull terrier).

Really want kids but can’t commit?
The fur-baby phenomenon is well known; people are eschewing having actual babies in favour of keeping a cute furry pet. This is understandable; pets don’t answer back, don’t require school fees and can be left home alone for hours without attracting the attention of Social Services. In fact, the Unreliable Guide suggests you should progress through a few levels of care to test if you are ready to be the parent of an actual human child. Start by looking after a pot plant, move on to a goldfish, then tend to a cat, and finally advance to keeping a dog before you actually try reproducing yourself.

Which pet would suit you?
You’ve finally decided you want a pet, but what creature should you get? Some people swear by cats, citing their independence and cleanliness. Others won’t consider anything but a dog due to the faithful, unquestioning love they offer. Then there are the bird fanciers, fish fanatics and lizard lovers. Regardless of what pet you choose, don’t be like the woman who kept a giant python. She let this snake sleep curled up at the end of her bed, but one day the python lay down next to her, stiff as a pike staff. Concerned by the change of behaviour, she took it to the vet and he told her to get rid of the snake at once. When she asked why, he said the python was measuring her to see if she would fit inside its belly. Don’t choose a pet that wants to go one step further than biting the hand that feeds it.

Finally, the Unreliable Guide suggests that if you do decide to keep a pet, please get one from your local rescue centre. They need you. If you must give a breeder two thousand dollars for their Labra-shitsu-doodle-frise, then give the same amount as a donation to a rescue centre. It’s only right.