THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO… SURVIVING THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

By Nat Bayley on December 21, 2017 in Other

Money well spent, by Nick O’Teen

Schools are a great thing. Just when you thought you were never going to have a normal life again, your beloved child is old enough to go to one. Those precious hours provide some time to work and pay the mortgage – schools are great and teachers are angels. The trouble is, from the middle of December to the very end of January, these wonderful institutions shut up shop and expect us, the parents, to look after our kids ourselves. All day.
But never fear. As always, The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to make sure you don’t have a nervous breakdown:

LOOK IN THE PAPER
You are not alone. Millions of mums and dads are facing the reality of the long school holiday, and there are a slew of activities laid on all around Sydney – many of them free. The only trouble is that the kids will usually be expected to have an adult with them. If both parents are working, that’s tough, so…

CHILDCARE
The best thing about childcare centres is that they don’t shut up shop for six weeks over summer and leave you in the lurch. The worst thing is that, unlike public schools, they cost… a lot. This option will only suit those of you who either: a) have to work; b) really can’t stand the idea of being stuck with your beloved angels 24/7.

TAKE YOUR KID TO WORK
WITH YOU
During the school holidays, my parents used to take me into work with them. Dad owned his own business, so he would just farm me out to some of the poor women who worked for him. Mum, however, worked in hospital administration, so I’m surprised she got away with it. Tip for hospital security: if a bored eight year-old can wander right into a surgical theater without anyone noticing, you might want to up your game.

SUMMER CAMPS
These are great, especially for teenagers who can’t think of anything more mind-bendingly dull than being forced to spend time with their parents. Instead, they get to hang out with a group of kids their own age and learn how to do new and exciting things, like smoking and sex. These camps do cost – often quite a lot – but think of it as an investment in your child’s development and your own sanity. Money well spent.

TAKE THEM TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY
If you can get time off work, this can be an excellent way to make your kids realise how lucky and spoilt they really are. Plus, you’ll have all the fun of keeping them away from rabid dogs and dying from exotic diseases. There are life lessons too: kids from third world countries are genuinely thrilled by the privilege of attending school and delight in explaining this to bemused visiting children. In addition, once you’ve paid for the flights, five weeks in India or similar will work out considerably cheaper than renting a 3m x 3m holiday cabin in Coffs Harbour.

Finally, The Unreliable Guide would like to remind you that the school holidays are only six weeks long… Six weeks?! Oh my God!