What Constitutes A ‘Lifestyle’?

By Pearl Bullivant on July 10, 2015 in Other

What constitutes a ‘lifestyle’? That is the question Our Dear Leader, Tony Abbott, had us all pondering back in March when he issued his ‘no more funding of the Indigenous lifestyle’ proclamation. As the self-appointed trend-setting guru of the East, I know my ‘lifestyles’ and I am most disappointed that the PM has chosen to use such a sacred word so flippantly with no respect whatsoever to the sensitivities of the people of the Eastern Suburbs.

In fact, by using the word ‘lifestyle’, I feel that Tony is having a dig at those of us living on what he would describe as the ‘wrong side of the bridge’, presided over, as we are, by his arch nemesis, Malcolm Turnbull. Being a North Shore boffin, the PM has no inkling of what ‘lifestyle’ truly means and he should be more cautious when bandying that word around. He may find Bondi hipsters and Clovelly Yummy Mummies actually believing his ‘lifestyle’ crap and moving their trendy bars, baby stores, cafes, fixies and bugaboos in a conjoined, full-bearded immunisation-dissenter convoy up to the remote communities just to have a gander at what they are actually missing out on.

So what lifestyle are we missing out on? What lifestyle are we supposedly funding with our precious taxes, taxes that should be rightfully funnelled into mining subsidies and discounted crown land for developers? If the PM insists on using the word ‘lifestyle’ to describe a life devoid of the everyday needs we are accustomed to (fresh food, health, education), I suggest he give the remote communities a lifestyle he approves of, and may I suggest he engage the only person qualified for the job – Mama Privee.

The PM is renowned for seeking advice from dodgy consultants and Mama Privee is the queen of ‘lifestyle’; a woman who generously blogs on how to ‘survive parenthood in style’, complete with delightful vanity photos*. With Mama Privee’s guidance, remote communities would receive the middle-class lifestyle they deserve! No longer would they be forced to live on the scarcities of non-perishables on offer at the local store; instead, Mama Privee would be generously imparting tips on how to host a large-scale dinner party, how to upstage one’s child whilst Halloween trick-or-treating and how to breastfeed in uber fashion. Her defensive Porsche driving tips (in stilettos) would come in handy on those dangerous outback roads too, and you could forget the desperate need for rural medicos – Mama Privee would have the best cosmetic surgeons on the ground injecting a cocktail of synthetics to revitalise sun-damaged skin. There’d be no more clothing from St Vinnies or second-hand football boots: think YSL, RPL, LV, Rolex and Musson.

So Mr Abbott, step up to the plate and desist with all this ‘lifestyle’ nonsense. In the philosophical words of Mama Privee: “We are surviving in style, are we not? More is .ore”. Yes, a ‘lifestyle’ well worth funding!

Love Pearlie xx

* A big thanks to Dusty for alerting me to the blog!