What Pissed Off Pearl In 2012

By Pearl Bullivant on December 9, 2012 in Other

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It’s time for Pearl’s final rant of the year, sweeties! 2012 has marked a turning point in the Eastern Suburbs, with the closure of Bronte and Clovelly RSLs, Cloee Collectables, Bronte Cakey, White’s Cakes and Clovelly Butchery (among others).

It’s been a year in which we have seen the demise of any Eastern Suburbs hallmark considered to be generationally passé and not in keeping with the seriously hip and affluent agenda of the new residents.

To quote the highly pretentious words of an SMH food journalist, the transformation of the Eastern Suburbs is like “a re-engineering of an old school design… into a more contemporary upbeat and in demand model”.

Lattes and botox are certainly part of the “in demand model” and in the words of Pearl, it represents nothing more than uber gentrification.

So here’s to those annoying yuppies who have destroyed what attracted them to Clovelly and Bronte in the first place, and here’s what pissed me off in 2012:

• That housing and rental prices continue to shut the door on people whose lives extend beyond designer sunglasses, 4WDs, prams, intimate small bars, upmarket yoga classes and the pursuit of the perfect coffee bean.

• Expat Yummy Mummies who complain about having to pay for childcare because they have no family in Australia and their visa doesn’t entitle them to childcare benefits, despite their husbands earning outrageously high wages, allowing them to spend their days driving the latest Range Rover Evoque, hanging out in cafes and shopping at Bondi Junction. Maybe they should spare a thought for those recently arrived Somali refugees who eek out an existence in Blacktown before opening their mouths with such a pathetic sob story.

• The encroachment of bovine products (botox) onto CloBaby Road. The steaks at Clovelly Butchers just couldn’t compete!

• The outrageous fact that having more than two children has become a competitive status symbol and a way of openly flaunting one’s wealth in some Eastern Suburbs quarters (i.e. ”I’m so wealthy I can afford designer clothes, private schooling and luxury holidays for four children.”). What’s even more outrageous is that the yummy mummies of these large families expect to be granted special privileges (i.e. “Having four children gives me the right to be late for school pickup and to illegally park my Mercedes people-mover.”).

• The ‘struggling’ mother of three who owns a house in Rose Bay but feels the need to complain to the tabloids about the high cost of private school fees.

• The annual persecution of runners during Sculpture by the Sea. No, I will not use an alternate route because I like to view the artworks on my run and I always keep to the left. How on Earth do the Perth Sculpture by the Sea patrons cope, having to share viewing space with a cycle path?

• The Darling Point Resident Action Group’s elitist slur against Anthony Minichiello’s wedding at Swifts – “This is not Mt Druitt” – Vile people.

• Dog owners who claim that their dogs will bite if they are leashed – what the?! If the dog bites, why is it allowed outside, let alone unleashed?

• Skinny jeans – I blame those yuppie hipsters. Don’t beards look better with flares?

And what I loved about 2012: Lugar Brae Choir; Bill Granger; James Valentine (Alan Jones should be under his tutelage); my iPad (so I can listen to James Valentine when I’m out of NSW); the news that Eastern Suburbs families are moving to Avalon for that “village feel with upmarket boutiques, name cafes and organic food outlets catering for barefoot bohos”; and the Nanny Piggins children book series – a must read for all Eastern Suburb nannies.

Pearl xx