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Beardy from Hell – November 2019

By Beardy from Hell on November 11, 2019 in Satire

The Devil.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
You’ve had an up and down year but you’re going to end 2019 on a huge high, so make the most of your amazing form.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21
A rather solid stool will somehow end up sideways in your colon and result in quite a painful breech birth.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20
Beware the mate who always shouts when it’s only a few bucks but is nowhere to be seen when a massive bill arrives at the table.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
Stop looking to others for approval. You’ve done the hard yards so step up, take charge and the people will follow.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
An old injury will resurface and drive you mad for a few weeks but it will disappear just as quickly as it arrived.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
Choose your words carefully, because your judgement has been way off lately and you’re upsetting too many people.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21
Scrolling aimlessly through Instagram won’t make your life better. Delete it off your phone, then reinstall it the next day.

May 22-Jun 21

People don’t bitch about you anywhere near as much as you think, in fact you’ve fallen off the radar and it’s a real concern.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22
Spend time planning before a big event. You’re good at winging it but this time it’s different and things will fall apart.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22
Time spent talking about people you’ve rooted is perfectly negatively correlated with how much they enjoyed being rooted by you.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23
You’ll find yourself totally unmotivated to get jiggy with your partner. It only gets worse, so either spice it up or give it up.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
Consider learning a new skill, preferably something challenging, in order to keep your brain from switching off completely.