How Good is God

By Pearl Bullivant on August 22, 2019 in Satire

Quite disturbing, by Brian Houston.

Warning: This article may offend readers who are of the belief that the prime minister should be respected regardless of their conduct and actions.

As a staunch advocate of a secular Australia I am uncomfortable with the prime minister commandeering the podium of the Hillsong Church and evoking the name of God on behalf of all Australians. Even more unsettling is that this merger of state and church has gone unnoticed by the aspirational Australian masses and the tabloids.
What would God think of our praying PM? I’m certain She’s not thinking, “How good is that dude from Australia, toadying to me from the pulpit of a pseudochurch.” Instead, God is sitting on Her pearly white cloud (attired in a white Camilla kaftan) seething in rage at his presumptuousness.
“Who in Christ’s name is this arrogant twerp thinking he can treat God as a common genie that grants wishes at command, or a DJ taking requests at a Christian nightclub?”
God has plenty of ‘very important things’ to address, like drought in Africa, rising sea levels in the Pacific, escalating obesity and mass homicide in the US, so why would She be bothered with the pathetic pleading of an ungrateful minion living in God’s land of plenty, a plenty that has been exploited and abused?
ScoMo’s catch phrase may be, “How good are jobs,” but God is up there muttering, “How good is this vengeful God. You give a go, you get a go and, hell, I’m giving you a go, ScoMo.”
“ScoMo, forget your prayers for drought relief, for God will plunge Australia into incessant drought for your failure to ‘have a go’ at protecting God’s earth from climate change. You have not been forgiven for your attempt to mock Me with a lump of coal in Parliament.”
“You beseech God to ‘break the curse of suicide’, to help ‘people of middle-age going through difficult trials’ and you pray for ‘an avalanche of love to those with disabilities’, yet God has noted that you’ve made a bloody good ‘go’ at demeaning the lives of Centrelink recipients and forcing the disabled and middle-aged onto Newstart, driving people to despair. Can you not grasp the concept of cause and effect? For this, God will send down an avalanche of wrath, and Barnaby Joyce’s recent destitution is only the beginning (God doesn’t take kindly to adulterers).”
“You pray for veterans who are doing it tough, yet your insignificant country commits troops to any war doing the rounds, and I know your prayers for the Indigenous are really appeals on behalf of mining companies – do you think I’m an idiot? Why don’t you get off your lazy arse and have a go at fixing all you pray for? And stop bothering my son, Jesus.”
“As a parting gesture of karma to a man who has arrogantly assumed God as Christian, I bestow upon you, in your next life, reincarnation as a flea. God Speed!”