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Photo: Dan Trotter

Reflecting Back Across The Years

The December 2014 issue of the Beast marks the 83rd issue I’ve penned an article in this great local magazine, meaning next month will bring the total up to seven years and approximately 46,200 words on one of my favourite topics; you guessed it: fishing. Reflecting back across the years I realised that I’ve never […]

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Photo: Attila Szilvasi

A Wonderful Christmas Time For All

“Simply having a wonderful Christmas time…” goes the refrain of Paul McCartney’s delightfully annoying ode to all things jolly, an ode that has been following me cheesily down the dairy aisle of Woolworths since November 3. While Elton John’s ‘That’s Why They Call It The Blues’ rarely emanates from the giant monopolist’s muzac system at […]

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December Thumbs

Up – Summer – We give a thumbs up to this great season every year for good reason. Bring on the warmth and everything that comes with it. Down – Jokes About Terrorism – In this day and age, it is not funny to joke about blowing people up, even parking rangers. Up – Candlelit […]

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Photo: Luce Vajayjay

Not The Mothering Type

I’m just not the mothering type. It could be the screaming. I think that is the main reason. I can’t handle that blood curdling screeching noise they make when they are crying, when they are happy, even when they just laugh. This is an argument I find myself having constantly. You’ll change your mind, they […]

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Dog For Adoption – Bart

Age | 6 years Sex | Male Breed | Foxy x Italian Greyhound Weight | 6.7kg Bart is a happy, friendly boy and he likes to get to know new acquaintances slowly. He needs a little encouragement to walk, but once he gets going he walks well on loose lead and pays no attention to […]

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Beardy From Hell – December 2014

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 22 The whole living by the beach thing hasn’t really worked for you. It’s time to call it quits and be one of those really white people that lives in Newtown. CAPRICORN Dec 23-Jan 20 Can’t get ahead? You put yourself on this treadmill by being a greedy, materialistic pig so enjoy […]

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Dog For Adoption – Agatha

Age | 11 years Sex | Female Breed | Jack Russell x Weight | 5.7kg Agatha is a very sweet, easy-going girl. She has bred many pups in her time but now she is looking for a life of her own where she can be spoilt. Agatha likes to play ball and is very social […]

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Dog For Adoption – Baker

Age | 8 years Sex | Male Breed | Foxy X Maltese Weight | 7.5kg Barker is a very social boy and he loves the company of other dogs. He is incredibly good with older children, but young children could be at risk, particularly if Barker is feeling particularly hungry. He needs some more lead […]

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Photo: Ian from Lake Conjola

What About The Plan, Eric?

“What happened to the friggin’ plan, Eric?” Steve was as white as Casper Verwer, the local friendly ghost. “I nearly lost a bloody limb out there!” Luckily there was now a safe barrier between our hero, Steve, and the savage beast from the unruly ocean. Dry sand. It felt good. They had talked about their […]

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Photo: Terry Rist

Rupert’s Non-Exhaustive List Of Targets For Slightly Less Murderous Terrorists

It’s a word the strikes fear into the hearts of many commuters, football stadium attendees and nightclub patrons: terrorism. But does this three-syllable word, regularly trotted out by politicians and the media alike, really need to garner the hysterics that often follow it? Don’t get me wrong, terrorism is no laughing matter, but imagine if […]

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