Smart Bins Defeat Dumb People in Bondi Trivia Tournament

By Kieran Blake on July 6, 2017 in Satire

Innovative ‘Smart Bins’ crushed their hapless human opponents in the grand final of the regional Pub Quiz tournament held on a sparkling day at Bondi Beach recently.

The solar powered waste machines recorded the most comprehensive victory in the history of the decider, which had to be moved outdoors to accommodate the bins’ fan club.

The cult heroes ruthlessly demolished everything that was thrown their way during the early rounds of the competition and drew hordes of fans from all over the world to Australia’s most famous strip of sand with their rapid responses.

Adoring female groupies attributed their devotion to the built-in air freshener, which deodorises the bins – “Hygiene is hot!” they chanted.

The bins scored 100 per cent in the final, more than the combined total score of every other team.

Their advanced technology made light work of questions such as:

Rubbish is dropped by…
a. Locals.
b. Tourists.
c. Aliens.
d. People.

The ultimate responsibility for disposing of my rubbish correctly lies with…
a. The government.
b. Me.
c. God (or nominated deity).
d. Seagulls.

The bins extended their lead in the later rounds when other dumbfounded competitors began to struggle with questions such as:

Trashing parks and beaches on Anzac Day and Australia Day is an act of…

a. Patriotism.
b. Remembrance.
c. Heroism.
d. None of the above.

I should carry my rubbish until…
a. I find a bin.
b. I get tired.
c. I collapse in my own vomit.
d. No one can see me drop it.

The terrible desperation of many teams in the tournament forced them to use Wi-Fi to search for answers. In contrast, the smart bins used Wi-Fi to inform Council that they had secured yet another victory and were ready for collection.

Further infuriating opponents was the Smart Bins’ habit of graciously bequeathing their free jugs of beer to all vanquished opponents on their march to the finals.

The Smart Bins remained disarmingly composed during the tense final moments of the decider, while their mortal opponents grappled with the question:

These bins were designed to accommodate five times as much waste as a normal bin, so that…
a. I can create five times as much waste.
b. I can find a bin on a summer’s day that is not overflowing.
c. I can treat myself to another coffee in a disposable coffee cup.
d. I can absolve myself of all responsibility for keeping the Eastern Beaches clean.

The bins’ crowning moment arrived when contestants were asked, “How will I know how to use the solar bins?” to which the bins replied, “It’s not that hard.”