Rupert’s Non-Exhaustive List Of Targets For Slightly Less Murderous Terrorists

By Rupert Truscott-Hughes on November 27, 2014 in Other

It’s a word the strikes fear into the hearts of many commuters, football stadium attendees and nightclub patrons: terrorism. But does this three-syllable word, regularly trotted out by politicians and the media alike, really need to garner the hysterics that often follow it?

Don’t get me wrong, terrorism is no laughing matter, but imagine if you could harness its capacity for blowing up buildings, whilst eliminating its fundamental objective to create fear and anxiety among the masses and its desire to cause death and injury. Give a thought for what this could potentially do for the aesthetics of the Eastern Suburbs.

With this in mind, I have created a short list of buildings I would quite happily see razed to the ground (unoccupied, of course), and I’ve called it ‘Rupert’s Non-Exhaustive List Of Targets For Slightly Less Murderous Terrorists’:

Vaucluse Waters – That’s the name given to the ugly hunk of shit (concrete) plonked on the hill overlooking the dazzling Pacific Ocean at Diamond Bay. Beauty and hideousness haven’t been so closely juxtaposed since Heidi Klum and Seal parted ways. If this is the legacy that architect Harry Seidler sought to leave on this Earth, he must have been one hell of a c**t.

The Bondi – While this is a fairly new building, and one of many that burns the retinas along the Campbell Parade strip, its heritage is what truly gets my goat. Formerly the insipid Bondi Motel, many hoped that its demolition would bring about a change for the better. Instead, the developers proved that you can polish a turd. The downside of this is that a turd, polished or otherwise, is still just a steaming pile of shit.

Glenview Court – Moving south, we stumble upon Glenview Court, that unsightly pile of concrete cancer-riddled rubble at the back of Tamarama Gully. While there are plans in place to ‘beautify’ what locals call the ‘jail-block’, an unmanned single-engine Cessna packed to the gunnels with C4 and with flight coordinates set to Illawong Avenue would probably do a better job.

Murray House – It seems that every beach has its own eyesore thanks to developer greed and the penchant of former state politicians for getting their paws on brown paper bags plied with filthy lucre. Rumour has it that rubble from the old Grace Bros building in Bondi Junction lies beneath this horrendous building in the gully below, and there are few if any locals who wouldn’t be unhappy should Murray House suffer a similar fate. A public implosion would certainly be a sight to see, so long as those halfwits from the Royal Canberra Hospital aren’t in charge of the explosives.

Maroubra Seals – When I read that Maroubra Seals had caught on fire last year, the excitement nearly caused me to have a coronary. Unfortunately it only destroyed a small section at the top of the building and the beachside monster remained. There’s no doubt that this club does a lot of good for the community, but does it have to do so from such a height? If it was a patron at the footy it would’ve worn its fair share of VB tins to the back of the melon. Maroubra may not be known for its aesthetics, and it never will be while the Seals forms a major part of its skyline.