Beardy from Hell – December 2011

By Dan Hutton on November 24, 2011 in Other

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22

No matter how tight the economy gets, you should keep going out for breakfast at least twice a week. It is your God-given right as a Westerner.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20

Resist the urge to go on holiday. You’ll just spend half your time complaining about the shit service from the gene pool-depleted locals.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19

Make the trees in your garden seem taller by trimming the hedge. An untidy garden gets far fewer visitors.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

The hairs at the base of your back are currently experiencing an unprecedented growth spurt. Luckily for you, you can’t actually see them.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20

Be cautious when airing your poorly thought out political opinions in public. At the very least you must be willing to accept criticism.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20

Stop trying to help others and spend more time looking after your own interests. When the shit hits the fan you’ll be on your own.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21

Don’t be too generous with your knowledge. You can lead a horse to water but you’ll be pissed off when it drinks the whole lake dry.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23

When you offer a friend help and they immediately respond with a deadline, just smile and appreciate how comfortable they are around you.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23

If someone mentions the terms workflow, augmentation, capex and accountability in a sentence, there’s a good chance they’re talking shit.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23

Stop complaining about how busy you are. Facebook and YouTube do not fit into the official definition of ‘work’. Add some value you parasite.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23

Take advantage of the high Aussie dollar and get overseas before it tanks and you have to go back to a shitty caravan park on the south coast.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22

If you get excited by the thought of catching a bus and feel like you’re on a school excursion then you probably don’t use public transport enough.