A Fish Out Of Water

By Todd Maguire on January 6, 2012 in Other

They were an unlikely pair, Bluey Gill and Dean Kent. Somehow through a twisted fate they had become firm friends. A testing situation involving a Darlinghurst hooker and a missing Italian motorcycle many years ago had forced the two opposites to attract, but that’s a story for another time.

It was a steamy summer’s afternoon with Bluey Gill and his mates enjoying a strong swell fanned by a dry northwest wind. A Weber barbecue and a well-stocked esky in the shade made the beach a pleasant place to be.

The crashing waves camouflaged the roaring engines as six Harley Davidsons pulled into the car park. The leather-clad riders were a contrast to the environment as they dismounted their iron horses. The antics of the group of surfers caught their attention.

Dean Kent fished in the pocket of his leather jacket and produced a crumpled pack of cigarettes. He tapped a smoke from the pack, flicked it end over end into his mouth and sucked in a lung full of tar.

“I’ll show these surfers a thing or two,” he announced as he threw the smoldering stub to the gutter.

Dean grabbed an unattended surfboard, tucked it under his arm and jogged onto the sand, gaining momentum as he went. His buddies stared at each other with quizzical looks. Dean charged on fully clothed.

He hit the water at full pelt and threw the board into the wave zone. With a giant leap of faith he jumped, both feet miraculously landing on the surfboard. But from there, it all went wrong.

For a split second he almost balanced on the surfboard, but it flipped out from under him, spinning in the air, and collided with his forehead with a sickening crunch. Blackness swarmed in on him, his legs gave out from and he dropped into the swirling surf.

Bluey Gill had seen a lot of strange things in his time but this fish out of water in his dirty denims and scruffy leather had to take the cake. He couldn’t believe what he saw.

The biker was now in a flurry of arms and legs trying to keep his head above water. Even though the he was struggling in only two feet of ocean, the unfamiliarity of the waves was more than enough to keep him off his feet as he unwillingly continued to entertain the beachgoers.

“Mate, the ocean is no place for you today… at least not in that getup you’re wearing!” Bluey said as he stretched a helping hand out to Dean. The lump on Dean’s forehead was now the size of a golf ball as he continued coughing up sand, saltwater and seaweed. “Come here you drowned rat.”

As he gripped the greaser’s paw and tried to pull him up he lost his footing in the shallows. In a comedic dance Bluey ended up on his arse with the huge biker on top of him. From the promenade the other bikers could not see the pair laughing at their own misfortune. All they saw was two bodies writhing in the surf.

“We’re on!” screamed a slimy biker as he jumped the railing onto the sand, his mates close behind and in battle mode. What started as a piss-take was about to escalate into something more ominous.

Bluey’s mates also misinterpreted what was going on at the edge of the water. The two groups converged on each other as their leaders were cracking up with laughter amid the shore break.

Screams of abuse broke them from their revelry and they looked up to see their mates facing off against each other on the hot sand. With the bikers and the surfers lost in their macho face-off, fists flew and bodies buckled.

“Fellas!” Dean and Bluey yelled, but their shouts fell on deaf ears. “Knock it off… it’s all good,” they laughed.

The two leaders from different walks of life gave up on the melee and made a beeline for the sizzling barbecue and the well-frosted beers. The surfer gave the biker an exaggerated once up and down.

“At least get yourself up to the surf shop and invest in a pair of boardies, Dean.” Bluey laughed.

“You wouldn’t catch me dead in a pair of those pansy strides.” Dean’s words flew out laced with sand, salt water and laughter.
It had been a long time between drinks, but the friendship of the two was as solid as ever.