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Beardy From Hell

By Knower of Things on September 4, 2013 in Other

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23
The primary consideration in any decision should be about maximizing your own personal benefit, otherwise you’ll just make the wrong decision.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
Don’t try so hard to get something you really want when you can safely settle for the next best thing, which is much better than nothing at all.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
Don’t even bother voting on September 7 because the aspirational bogans out west decide who runs the joint, not you.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22
Do whatever makes you the maximum dollars per hour instead of pursuing your passions and pretending not to care about money.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20
Always set unattainable goals because whenever you actually achieve something it’s never as good as you thought it would be.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
As the saying goes, the sky may be darkest just before the dawn, but you can have a lot more fun when the lights are out.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
Now’s your last chance to book an overseas holiday before the Aussie dollar tanks and barely gets you 20 US cents. Go on, do it!

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
Alter your diet or you’re going to die. You can’t keep filling your body with the shit you shovel into it on a daily basis. You are disgusting.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20
Constant itching in the region between your junk and your bumhole is going to be virtually debilitating for the next few weeks.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21
You’re stuck on a treadmill with no end in sight and it’s time to relocate to somewhere where you can have a decent standard of living.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23
Even if you’ve paid a premium for your right to jump the queue, you are still a queue-jumping arsehole unless you wait with everyone else.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23
Why try and be financially responsible when every government policy rewards people who live beyond their means? Live large now, pay later.