Beardy from Hell – February 2012

By Beardy from Hell on January 31, 2012 in Other

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19

When discussing early retirement with mates, the one who says “…but I’d be bored if I wasn’t working” is a boring prick and should be shot.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

Don’t take risks with parking this month. Those low-life parking cops are lurking around every corner and they feed on your misery.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20

Stop complaining about how much money you spent over silly season. Get back to your boring work so you can do it all again next year.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20

It’s time to get proactive. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, you don’t want to be stuck at home feeding the horse.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21

Cut that f**king credit card in half! Buying more shit you don’t need is only a temporary fix to your deep rooted personality defects.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23

Although it never really began, summer will be over before you know it. Make time to get out and soak up those last few rays.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23

Get creative in the kitchen and channel your inner Jamie Oliver. Being a good cook will get you more roots than money, almost.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23

Remember to always stand up for what you believe in. But also to sit down when you’re proven wrong, which you usually are.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23

You need to lose as much weight as you can this month. Winter is looming and your descent into fat disgustingness is inevitable.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22

Bored? If you’re looking for a way to actually pay money to have 20 hours of spare time taken away from you each week, call Foxtel.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22

Stop being such a pushover. The whole ‘turn the other cheek’ thing is not going to get you anywhere. Never has, never will.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20

Stop wasting so much time and money buying groceries to cook at home when 90% of the shit in your fridge ends up going out of date.