Beardy From Hell – March 2012

By Beardy From Hell on February 28, 2012 in Other

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

Next time you see some selfish prick take up two carparks, it is your civic duty to key their car or at least let one of their tyres down.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20

Feeling poor because everyone around here is so rich? Book a holiday to a third world country to make yourself feel more important.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20

Aim for the hole, not just the green. You’ll never get anywhere in life with a ‘close enough is good enough’ mentality.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21

A malfunctioning toilet flusher will drive you insane this month. Quickly pushing the flusher up and down will only provide a temporary fix.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23

Don’t be afraid to question religion. The burden of proof lies with those who make unfalsifiable claims, not those who reject them.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23

Stop taking photos of your food and posting them on Facebook. It’s annoying and no one really gives a shit what you’re eating.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23

Get a Twitter account if you haven’t already got one. I’m not sure what for but everyone else seems to be doing it.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23

Instead of actually doing something, tell everyone you know that you’re going to do something but then don’t actually do it.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22

You need to put an end to all public displays of affection. Not everyone wants a side of tongue with their breakfast.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22

Summer is over so stop waiting for it to come and get on a plane and go somewhere hot and sunny before winter kicks in.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20

I’m not sure if you do this intentionally or not, but at some stage this month you will get caught staring at a dog’s bumhole.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19

You’ll know your partner has gone completely mad when they start seeing a naturopath or herbologist and spouting anti-capitalist shit.