Beardy From Hell – November 2012

By Beardy from Hell on November 8, 2012 in Other

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22

It’s all well and good to be a person of principle, but not to the extent that it negatively impacts your net wealth in any way.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22

Bad news for Sagittarians: at some stage this month you will lay an enormous turd and tear your arsehole quite badly.

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

You can’t fail if you never give up, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll ever succeed either. Know when to throw in the towel.

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

You need to spend less time trying to help others and more time looking after yourself. No one else is going to do it if you don’t.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20

Don’t bother wishing upon a star, because the star you are about to wish upon actually died a few million years ago.

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 20

Sell all your shit and pay off your debt and you’ll soon find yourself happier than you’ve ever been before.

Taurus Apr 21 – May 20

You’re not addicted to something until you actually can’t give it up so embrace your addiction and live in ignorant unaddicted bliss.

Gemini May 21 – Jun 21

Getting a mate to help you out with something for free usually means that something will never actually end up getting done.

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23

In order to get ahead in life you need to kill someone, but you must plan it carefully so you don’t get caught.

Leo Jul 24 – Aug 23

Stop trying so hard to impress the opposite sex. The best way to someone’s heart is with a bag of coke and some rohypnol.

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

It’s been a tough year and you need to realise that the only thing that can ease your stress is a good honest blowie.

Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23

The best thing you could possibly contribute to society is to go back in time and cut off your dad’s balls.