Beardy From Hell – October 2012

By Beardy: Knower of Things on October 11, 2012 in Other

LIBRA Sep 24-Oct 23
A recent experience will change your view of the world. Learn from it and use it to improve the lives of others, and more importantly, yourself.

SCORPIO Oct 24-Nov 22
Don’t bag others to make yourself feel better. We all have insecurities, it’s how you deal with them that determines whether or not you’re a c**t.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 22
Being a price-sensitive tightarse is fine but don’t forget to factor in a value for your time and convenience when making purchasing decisions.

CAPRICORN Dec 23-Jan 20
If your tap water smells like sewage, call a plumber immediately and don’t drink it. You can probably brush your teeth with it though.

AQUARIUS Jan 21-Feb 19
Growing your own vegies is a fun way to spend time if you’re that way inclined, but that’s all it is so stop thinking you’re saving the world.

PISCES Feb 20-Mar 20
There really aren’t many things worse than being constantly itchy, but for some reason you’re going to be f*cking itchy all month.

ARIES Mar 21-Apr 20
Stop fighting and just embrace your addictions. As soon as you get rid of one, another much worse one will quickly fill the void.

TAURUS Apr 21-May 20
Throw out your shit. Placing items in indefinite storage at $20/week when that shit is collectively worth less than $100 is not a good investment.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 21
Don’t cart around any excess baggage that causes you stress or anxiety. This includes friends and even family members. Cut them loose.

CANCER Jun 22-Jul 23
Reacquainting yourself with an old friend you lost tough with can only end badly. I know you’re bored but don’t make the same mistake twice.

LEO Jul 24-Aug 23
Posting photos of yourself on Facebook with members of the opposite ex while you’re abroad is a good way to make your partner jealous.

VIRGO Aug 24-Sep 23
This month you’re going to have an extremely itchy bumhole. Scratching it will only make it worse and leave you with a smelly finger.