Beardy From Hell – October

By Dan Hutton on September 29, 2011 in Other

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23

The only way to cure post holiday depression is by taking another holiday, which will result in even worse post holiday depression.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22

You are not poor when you can afford to live in the most expensive area of the most expensive city in the most expensive country in the world.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22

Stop being the cow that gives a good bucket of milk and then steps a shitty foot in it. Eventually the farmer will just shoot you.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20

No matter how creative you think you may be, you are nothing without an outlet. If you haven’t got one, you need to get one quick.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19

Laughing at something you don’t really understand will make you look like an idiot. If you don’t get it, just ask for an explanation.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

Stop being such an uptight prick and relax. Your true beauty cannot shine through when you are so highly strung.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20

Nothing says “I’m happy to see you” like a great big stiffy. Just remain calm and take it as the compliment it is.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20

You need to get yourself into a new set of wheels. The thing you’re driving at the moment just isn’t you.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21

This is your lucky month. Gather every cent you can get your hands on and gamble the lot. Even sell your house if you’ve got one.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23

I’m not sure why, but your confidence levels are way too low and do not accurately reflect your superior ability and skills.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23

The more time you spend in the ocean, the happier you will be. You pay a premium to live near it so start making the most of it.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23

Give your ears a good clean. The amount if wax in them would make a bee proud but unfortunately you are a human, not a bee.