Beardy from Hell – August
Leo Jul 23-Aug 22
Despite an abundance of well-intentioned family and friends, the only person you can rely on in this world is you.
Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23
Give a lazy man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a lazy man to fish and he’ll end up dying of starvation.
Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
It’s time to invest in some fresh new underwear and discard your rotting, fungus-filled ‘old faves’ for good.
Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
You need to learn how to let go of a good thing at the right time, before the novelty wears off and it becomes a bad thing.
Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21
Take your lover on the romantic holiday they’ve been pushing for, so you can be more enthusiastic about going back to work.
Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20
You’ve probably got a week or two to start getting into shape, before it’s too late and you’ll be fat for another summer.
Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
End an argument and move on once you’ve gotten your own way. Humiliating someone won’t advance your own self-interest.
Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
Be careful not to apply the unreasonable standards you expect of others onto yourself. You’re special and deserve exception.
Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
Despite your lack of education and skills, you are superior to the average person because you reside in the Eastern Suburbs.
Taurus Apr 21-May 21
If you’re not on the receiving end of at least two or three government grants or subsidies, it’s time to change industries.
Gemini May 22-Jun 21
Try to postpone making any important decisions that can’t be changed at a later date, at least until your judgement improves.
Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22
There are valuable lessons to be learned in every conflict, so start as many arguments as possible in the interest of self-growth.