Beardy from Hell – November 2018
SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22
White-anting any threat to your dominance is an effective and non-confrontational way of maintaining power, and you’re bloody good at it.
SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21
When you begin to lose your patience with someone, just remember how patient everyone has always been with you.
CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20
Being an arsehole and making people feel like shit is not a good long-term strategy to deal with your insecurities.
AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19
You can’t be held accountable for a bad decision that you didn’t make, so outsource any important calls to someone else.
PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20
We know that you’re anxious and a bit lost at the moment, but you’re not going to find the meaning of life staring into your phone.
ARIES MAR 21-APR 20
An embarrassing situation will arise when you get caught red handed touching your genitals and sniffing your crusty fingers.
TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21
Why on earth would you go and see a fully qualified doctor for free when you can pay $200 to see a self-proclaimed ‘energy healer’?
GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21
Start planning your Christmas shopping now so as to avoid the debacle that occurred last year, which you still haven’t been forgiven for.
CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22
Despite your belief that you’re irreplaceable at work, things will run just as well if you’re not there, so chuck a sickie and don’t feel guilty.
LEO JUL 23-AUG 22
You will receive an infringement notice for something so grossly unfair that you’ll spend the rest of the month plotting sweet revenge.
VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23
Enough of the pissweak excuses. It’s not about having time, it’s about making time. The excuses will always be there but the opportunities won’t.
LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23
An unexpected windfall gain will quickly vanish when you find yourself in the polly waffle snorting devil’s dandruff off a prossie’s bolt-ons.