Beardy From Hell – October 2014
LIBRA Sep 24-Oct 23
There is a good outcome hidden in nearly every bad situation, but unfortunately you’re not intellectually equipped to find it.
SCORPIO Oct 24-Nov 22
You won’t discover any answers at the bottom of a shot glass, so stop drinking and the questions will magically disappear.
SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 22
Don’t spend too much time staring at yourself in the mirror; the longer you stare, the weirder you look and the worse you’ll feel about yourself.
CAPRICORN Dec 23-Jan 20
When you spend most of your time planning holidays and trying to get away, it’s probably a good sign that you need a more permanent relocation.
AQUARIUS Jan 21-Feb 19
Don’t you dare whinge about the price of coffee or beer when you’re so wasteful and blasé with every other aspect of your privileged life.
PISCES Feb 20-Mar 20
A mystery poo nugget will remain an unsolved mystery in your otherwise boring household. Just try and forget about it or it will cause real tension.
ARIES Mar 21-Apr 20
A reallocation of your time away from those who add little value to your life to those who do is well and truly overdue.
TAURUS Apr 21-May 20
A decision to do nothing is just as much of a gamble as a decision to do something, so lose your risk aversion and take a punt.
GEMINI May 21-Jun 21
Why do you work so hard when you hate it so much? Would you do anything else you hate for that piddly amount money? It’s time to reassess.
CANCER Jun 22-Jul 23
If someone wants to leave you, just let them go. They’ll come back when they need something from you and you can kindly tell them to get f***ed.
LEO Jul 24-Aug 23
This month will be marred by a constant itching just inside your poo-hole. It’s probably just a worm so give it a scratch and try to forget about it.