Beardy From Hell
Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
Your open, honest and transparent approach is leaving your arse open to a raping. You need to get sly and strategic in order to achieve your goals.
Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22
Instead of restricting supply, introduce more bidders into the market to increase demand for whatever it is you’re selling (everyone is selling something).
Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20
If you’re dealing with something that’s a foregone conclusion, you may as well just skip the rest of the book and go straight to the last page.
Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
Utilise $3/day office space by spending your whole day in a coffee shop; the hotties that work there are thrown in for free.
Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
Always look beyond the superficial exterior to find the beauty within. But you’ll still have to look at the exterior so maybe that is more important.
Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
Breaking up with someone’s not that bad. Get out and have a few tongueys but maybe hold off for a bit on the ploughing, just in case.
Taurus Apr 21-May 20
A middle-aged woman in a large vehicle is going to drive you insane on the road this month; do everything you can to stop yourself from murdering her.
Gemini May 21-Jun 21
Know when to keep a secret. You only want to reveal it to make yourself feel better; unload your baggage some other way.
Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23
You’re way too focused on making money. It’s time you started relaxing and valuing your leisure time a bit more, you highly strung cockhead.
Leo Jul 24-Aug 23
Don’t think you’re to good to pick up those ten cent coins on the bus. There’s an economic crisis coming and it’s going to hurt you.
Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23
Forget servicing your car because it’s about to blow up anyway. Save your money and put it towards a new one or learn to live without it.