Drink Or Be Drunk

By Elizabeth Major on March 19, 2015 in Other

Australians are renowned for loving a drink, particularly in summer when the sun is glaring down upon us, or after work when we feel we definitely deserve a schooner. After a rough day a pale ale cheers us up; after a stressful day a wine will calm us down. With dinner, a Hunter shiraz; with breakfast, an Irish coffee. Celebrating something? Crack open the bubbly!

Around the world, it is midday somewhere. I’m on holidays so I might as well. A couple of wines every night are definitely good for you, right? There is a reason, a justification, an excuse and a drink for just about every mood or occasion.

Drinking has become such a fundamental part of our culture that it is almost offensive to turn away the casual tipple. Despite repeated health warnings, the prevalence of alcoholism, text messages we should have never sent and the “I’ll never drink again” hangovers, we never seem to learn.

We have whole months dedicated to the pursuit of sobriety (Dry July, Oc-sober and Feb Fast); these 30-day detoxes are but a tiny breath of fresh air in the pool of alcohol that our livers are drowning in. Unless prescribed by a doctor with the threat of imminent death, giving up the drink is almost unheard of.

Drink or be drunk are the only two options apparent for an independent adult of legal age when faced with the societal propensity to imbibe. Trying to be entirely sober seems far too drastic for most people. The irony is that I need far more excuses to forego a glass of wine than I do to get away with drinking the whole bottle.

Lately I have tried to convince people that I am ‘off the drink’, to which I generally receive a scrunched up look of disgust, a breathy gasp, and demands to know why I would do such a horrible thing.

My friends beg me to ‘just have one’. It doesn’t matter that I am driving or have work early the next morning. No rationale seems to demystify their look of confusion. Training early in the morning seems to be the least favourite response. People seem to scoff at me for daring to be ‘healthier’. If I say I’d prefer to study, they roll their eyes. If I claim I’d prefer to consume those 200 calories on something far more enjoyable (like ice cream), I find myself back at the beginning – ‘but you can just have one’.

As Mark Twain once said: “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” Well, in my own experience, alcohol doesn’t exactly make us more intelligent.

Even as I write this I imagine a glass of wine should be in my hand. I believe I deserve a glass of wine. It will help me to relax, after all. I really do feel like it. I guess I could just have one…