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The Englishman’s Bread and Butter

By Pearl Bullivant on February 20, 2019 in Other

The most obnoxious one of all, by Theresa May

Dear Beast – Just a reference to Pearl, or whatever he calls himself. I noticed the ScoMo article (Yo Yo Yo, SloMo Has to Go, The Beast, February 2019). I only ever read a couple of lines because Pearl moans and whinges too much for me, like, I don’t know, maybe an Englishman. Yes, the political climate in Australia is a joke but let’s face it, not many dudes and ladies that have integrity get a chance in politics because all the slimy cowards feel threatened and gang up on them and they don’t last long. I think Julia Bishop may have been good, but, anyway, it’s the same all over the world, except maybe New Zealand seems to have a good PM.

Yes, ScoMo is a kook but he’s our kook, and it’s always amusing that in so many print titles English hacks like you Pearl just love to moan and run Australia down! But you Poms do hate a whinge. Have a look at your government – nothing but pompous twats and you all love the most obnoxious one of all, Boris whatever his name is.

But I guess being obnoxious and pompous is the Englishman’s bread and butter. You all think you do it so much better in Pommyland; I’m not sure why you don’t go back. The seagulls might get their spots back on the hill opposite Bondi Beach.

Craig O’Day

Dear Craig – Thank you for your letter of concern regarding my spray against Scott Morrison. Perhaps my rant was inappropriate being printed so close to Australia Day, and instead of critiquing Scott Morrison I should have been revering him as the democratically elected leader of our country. He may not be my cup of tea but he is the choice of the masses and I should respect the populace’s pick, just as I should be respecting their choice to watch Sunrise and Today rather than ABC4.

Pearl is not known for nationalism or allegiance to those in power, being of an age where the spectre of Nazism still lingers; the sight of a flag draped over a white shoulder makes me cringe. But what is known and factual about Pearl is that I am Australian born and female, not, as you have assumed, a whinging Englishman. Gender faux pas aside, though, it is very refreshing that you correlate whinging and moaning with the male of our species. When one thinks of the great whingers of our time, it is the male tabloid journalist/ shock jock that reigns supreme.

However, as a seasoned ranter I must take issue with your belief in the fallacy of the whinging Pom. It’s said that we get the politicians we deserve, and a nation of stoics deserves Theresa May with her sensible shoes and ugly neo-Thatcherism. Kiwis and Canadians, on the other hand, have whinged about climate change inaction and in their wisdom elected Ardern and Trudeau. But Australians, with their whining about inanities like electricity and petrol prices and the property and share markets, and their obsession with Karl Stefanovic, have got the God-bothering kook – and maybe it’s a kook that we deserve.

Pearl xx