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Everyone Needs A Live-in Nanny

By Pearl Bullivant on October 5, 2011 in Other

When one has all the trappings of the Eastern Suburb lifestyle – the black RR Vogue with matching Audi 4WD; the architecturally-designed $3million abode complete with parent retreat, infinity pool and Space furniture, not to forget the walk-in-wardrobe full of Sass & Bide, Little Joe, Leona Edmiston and Zimmermann; and the ‘bespoke’ nursery complete with Collette Dinnigan layette – what else could one possibly want? All that’s missing from your fabulously ‘fashion forward’ lifestyle is the ‘domestic help’; a servant would be sooo delightful and make one’s hectic life sooo much easier.

Alas, in today’s egalitarian society having a servant is not a good look. It just doesn’t fit with the bohemian lifestyle of sending one’s child to a trendy public school, whilst swanning around in Vibram FiveFingers (shoes are sooo passé) and a Camilla kaftan, practising chakras and extolling the virtues of unpasteurised milk and spelt bread.

The need for domestic help is such a stressful dilemma – a dilemma that the working class never has to deal with. How much easier would it be to go to the gym when your servant has laid out your Lululemon gym attire and packed your LV gym bag with Chanel toiletries for you? And think about all those clothing changes during the day – clothes for school drop-off; clothes for the cafe latte set; clothes for shopping – all would be taken care of by the servant, as well as the gourmet dinner, housework and ironing.

Well darlings, the ever-helpful Pearl has come up with the next best thing to the servant – the live-in nanny! I’m always concerned about the welfare of my ‘better class of readers’, and a live-in nanny gives one the hard-earned luxury of hired help without the nasty stigma attached. Called an ‘au-pair’ – one is always looking for that little corner of Paris in Woollahra and renaming your babysitter is the best place to start – your live-in nanny will have so many uses. She is the new ‘must-have’.

For starters, she will do those painful little jobs that you just don’t want to waste valuable latte-time doing, like the school run in the pouring rain (all you have to do is sit in the illegally parked 4WD, engine running, reading Luxe magazine whilst au-pair gets soaked), volunteering at Cassius’ school (send au-pair to read and cook with the kiddies), lining up at 6am to secure a ‘must-have spot’ at North Bondi Nippers for Hunter (au-pair likes the outdoors), or night feeding (just give au-pair a bottle of expressed milk and you will wake up refreshed for yoga classes and dharma practice).

And of course, au-pair will have to accompany you on holidays because spending time with your own kiddies is just unthinkable! Even better, leave the kiddies at home with au-pair whilst you jet off to Paris for a romantic weekend.

An au-pair will give you real street cred amongst your peers too. Screaming “The au-pair is sick” into your mobile on Queen Street will give you that ‘edge’ and when advertising for a nanny on Gumtree (don’t dare waste money on agency fees) it is essential to include a photo of oneself posing sexily in front of your black sports car (with personalised plates) with your Ascham uniform-clad daughter by your side. Not only will other mothers see the photo you’ll score a better class of au-pair at the same time.

Finally (and most importantly), an au-pair will give you ‘me time’ – time to pursue expensive, must-do ‘hobbies’ like interior design, personal training, selling designer labels on Ebay or studying a Diploma of Homeopathy so you can evangelise, with authority, on the dangers of immunisation.
Love always, Pearlie xx