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June Beardy From Hell

By Dan Hutton on May 31, 2012 in Other

Gemini May 21-Jun 21

Exercise cautious enthusiasm toward your pursuits. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse generally gets the cheese.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23

You’ve been putting it off for a while, and that’s quite okay, but this month you really have to do something about your overgrown bush.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23

One of your best mates is scheming to get their filthy mittens on something that’s very special to you. Just keep a close eye on them.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23

Get out and make some new friends. Having a fresh audience to laugh at your shit, worn-out jokes will give you a new lease on life.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23

You are working way too hard, but what for? Life was so much better when you had less money and more spare time; just think about that.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22

Be a builder rather then a detractor. Builders build people up and make them feel good, detractors bring them down and make them feel shit.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22

Invite some mates over for breakfast or dinner. Eating at home is going to come back into fashion soon and you will be the coolest.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20

This month you will see heaps of things that remind you of vaginas. A canoe, an oyster, a computer mouse, a fortune cookie… heaps of stuff.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19

Just because someone comes from the western parts of Sydney doesn’t make them an inferior human being. Just joking.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

There’s nothing to be gained from arguing with someone who’s stupid. They’ll just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20

At some stage, when you’re least expecting it, a big fart will slip out of your bum in public. There may even be a little bit of follow through.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20

Live a little; do something naughty. You haven’t stepped out of line since you put that nine volt battery on your tongue in primary school.