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On Your Bike… And On Your Way

By Todd Maguire on August 17, 2011 in Other

The burly police officer held the construction worker in a copybook figure-four leg lock. It was one the wrestler Mario Milano would be proud of.

“A bad attitude will get you nowhere, pal.” The officer was not impressed with the road construction workers mid morning antics.

Tim loved his morning sleep in. He worked odd hours and was lazily finishing his last year of study at university. Unfortunately, the council construction worker and his truck across the road were Tim’s sworn nemesis. Every morning at 7am, Mud-guts would kick over his diesel engine truck and leave it coughing and spluttering for a ten-minute warm-up period. He knew of the students living nearby and considered them lazy bums. Mud-guts was only young himself, but had the personality of a doorstop.

Tim was not fond of this break of day routine; it had gone on for way too long. He had never complained to his selfish neighbour but it was high time to unleash a fiendish plan.

A bit of handiwork had Tim armed with all the essentials: a few shovels, two picks, some fluorescent safety vests, a warning sign and four willing friends. The young men proceeded to excavate a patch of rough road just down the street. They dug a hole a couple of feet deep right in the centre of the road. The young men then left the site. Pedestrians and motorists were none the wiser as they skirted around the safety barrier tape above the unfinished project.

Following numerous complaints about the hole, it took the council four days to assign a gang of workers to repair the road. As luck would have it, the assigned foreman was Tim’s neighbour, Mud-guts. Tim’s well-calculated plan was certainly beginning to fruit.

As the council workers set about their quarry to repair the damaged road, Tim anonymously phoned the local police.

“Yes officer. It looks like a group of university students up to no good are digging up the local road. It’s causing all sorts of mayhem.”

Two young police officers jumped to attention and headed to the scene. There had been a few pranks going on around town by local university students so this was an opportunity to get to the bottom of it all. It was a chance to show these students they meant business.

Meanwhile, Tim wandered back past the construction site and informed the workers that the cops were on their way, but not to worry because they were only a bunch of university pranksters in disguise. Mud-guts, the foreman, rubbed his hands together. Time to give those students a good revving up.

“Mate, thanks for the heads up on these bloody pansies,” Mud-guts offered, not recognising Tim. He geared up for a showdown with the so-called ‘police’.

Tim crossed the road and settled in at a café with a safe vantage point. As the police approached the worksite, Mud-guts let out a barrage of abuse toward them. They warned him to pipe down but he went to town, swearing and screaming at them at the top of his lungs. The diplomacy of the two policemen was getting them absolutely nowhere.

Unceremoniously, the taller of the two officers pinned Mud-guts in a half-nelson hold and forced him to the ground. He was quickly subdued and placed in the awaiting police vehicle for a ride back to the station. There were no smiles from any party involved. The two sugars in Tim’s cappuccino had never tasted better.

By the time Mud-guts managed to talk his way out of the predicament back at the station he was feeling very worse for wear. The police placed him on a stern warning followed by a swift kick up the backside.

The embarrassing episode also forced the council to confiscate his stinking diesel truck and give him an old bicycle as a replacement.

“Use this bike to get to work,” the supervisor barked at the imbecile. “That way you can check for potholes on your way. It might even get you fit.”

He gave his employee a clip across the ear.

“Now on your bike… and on your way!”

For Tim, his patience and tolerance had paid a handsome dividend. Finally, no abrupt wake up calls anymore. Watching Mud-guts pedal off down the fresh stretch of road on his ten-speed, a road that good ol’ Mud-guts himself had personally repaired, was a much nicer way to greet the new day.