An Open Letter to Alex Turnbull, Son of Former PM Malcolm TurnbullDear Alex – I had hoped to publish this open letter in The Australian, but as my meagre part-pension could not cover the exorbitant cost of the Murdoch rag, the lovely editors at The Beast have agreed to indulge me by printing this ‘opinion piece disguised as political propaganda’ in place of Pearl’s column.
It may seem strange for an old leftie like Pearl to be writing to the fund manager son of a multi- millionaire former prime minister. But seeing that you have participated in one of Pearl’s favourite pastimes, whistleblowing, and after reading your tell-all interview in the Sydney Morning Herald, which revealed the home truths behind your father’s usurping, I realised that you could be the man to form a political party with.
Pearl has become despondent with politics and it is horrifying to think that Australia is now being governed by a coal throwing, public school hating, climate change denying Christian fundamentalist who is prepared to sacrifice the environment for the sake of rent seekers. But, alas, the alternatives aren’t of appeal – the ALP is run by unionists in cahoots with big business and the Greens (my favoured party) have evolved into apologists who trade in victimhood rather than environmental concerns.
So surely there’s a place for a socially and environmentally aware party with Pearl at the helm? You have the financial contacts, I have the minds behind the Clovelly Push, and with your father’s money we could be running Australia. And I mean the whole of Australia, not just local or state or federal – all of it – with our mission being to wipe out the rent seekers (corporations, banks, property developers, mining and media magnates, supermarkets, the list goes on) that Australia is controlled by and governed for.
Our campaign statement will be a simple ‘Just Say No’. The rent seekers, whose modus operandi is to scaremonger the masses and hand over political donations, need to be treated like Clovelly yummy mummies and Rose Bay matrons, employing the same
tactics used by council rangers when dealing with illegally parked 4WDs or untethered dogs – “No you cannot do that, you will be fined, and I don’t care who you are or how much money you have.”
The rent seekers need to be told they cannot indulge in anti- competitive practices, cannot build ugly, shoddy housing developments, cannot clear forests for the sake of wood chip export, cannot live export, cannot frack.
And just like the velour tracksuit is so last decade for the yummy mummy, the rent seekers need to be told that coal is the same – it’s antiquated and musty – and that renewable energy, like a Camilla kaftan, is timeless and guaranteed to always deliver (at fashion week).
So, Alex, I am hoping you will indulge Pearl in this flight of fancy. Forget backing the ALP (and, God forbid, Bill Shorten) – the Bullivant Turnbull Party has that hipster nostalgic ring to it, don’t you think?