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Pearl’s ‘Mindful Intentions’ for 2015

By Pearl Bullivant on January 23, 2015 in Other

Photo: Phil McCracken

Photo: Phil McCracken

It’s New Year’s resolution time, and before I hear the groans from the top of Glenview Court, I want to assure my wonderful readers that Pearl is here to provide resolutions that are far more valid and accessible than the usual weight-loss-feel-good mantra regurgitated every year by lifestyle coaches eking out a dubious living as ‘experts’ in the journalistic crap that is the Sunday tabloids.

Instead, Pearl is here to provide mindful ‘intentions’ that are far more fitting to those of the Eastern Suburbs; resolutions with just the right amount of fashion-forwardness and exclusivity, touched with a hint of luxury (but nothing too ostentatious; we don’t want to be reeking of ‘Cashed Up Bogan’).

I’m looking for on-trend aspirations that truly speak the unique language of The East; resolutions that are environmentally edgy but tinged with a present tense; resolutions that are perhaps unpredictable but will transport the reader to a sacred place in the same way a designer bathroom can transport the bather to the essence of a five-star hotel.

So here they are, Pearl’s ‘Mindful Intentions’ for 2015…

• I will not sit in my parked Range Rover with the motor running, pumping out harmful toxic diesel fumes, just so that I can wait in air-conditioned luxury for my child to finish school or sport. Instead, I will get off my skinny backside, with soy, decaf latte in hand (always the perfect accessory to the LV Capucines bag), and wait in the shade like people did before the advent of air-conditioned vehicles. Image how retro that would be, waiting in the shade, ‘old school’ posing as new. Let’s go the whole hog and trade in the RR for a Kombi, channelling the inner-hippy one boasts about.

• Except in designated leash-free areas, I will leash my dog at all times, taking particular care to do so whilst showing off one’s designer kaftan and bikini at Gordons Bay. If the good citizens of Switzerland can politely accommodate their huge Bernese dogs on trains, vernaculars and under café tables, I’m sure the good villagers of Clovelly can keep their indulged miniature poodles and Staffordshire terriers under control so that all beach patrons can enjoy a poo-free environment.

• If one can’t (or refuses to) control their pedigree dog, at least vow to make 2015 a year in which to control one’s fashionably attired and named child. No face biting, no toy ‘borrowing’, no pushing off play equipment. Remember, darlings, aggressive behavior and petty theft belongs in the western suburbs. Clovelly is a suburb of lawyers, and parental control is the best way to avoid a civil suit.

• I will observe the true tenets of yoga – self discipline, simplicity, righteousness and wisdom – and discard the Eastern Suburbs tenets of yoga – compulsory Lululemon attire, full-face makeup combined with salon-dried hair, kale consumption, faux zen-moments, illegal parking outside the yoga studio in the air-polluting and space-consuming 4WD, and pushing preschoolers out of the way to get to the 8am yoga class in the Junction.

• I will remember that life is not all about me. I will eliminate trendy afflictions such as ‘grief over missing out’ at the auction of my dream beachside home and ‘gender disappointment’ after giving birth to a grubby-nosed boy rather than a beautiful pink princess. There are always expensive family therapists at hand to work through these middle class issues, and one shouldn’t forget that money can buy everything, including your child’s sex. There’s nothing that a flight to Thailand can’t fix, sweeties…

Let’s bid adieu to a passé 2014.

Love Pearlie xxx

1 COMMENT. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS

  1. Well said.They worry about there poor little babies and yet they pollute like there is no tomorow.They foul the air with there four wheel drives,half the time sitting in there talking on the phone,eating, doing stuff on there computers ect They are not the only filhty ones, sales reps ,service providers,government vehicles too.This disgusting should be outlawed.Ps little little porky catch a bus home and get leave your car in the garage.

    Posted by: con veneris | January 27, 2015, 3:35 PM |

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