Pearl’s Thoughts On Bondi’s Billion-Dollar Brouhaha

By Pearl Bullivant on June 6, 2014 in Other

I had intended to expose my wanton sugar addiction to readers this month, something I know I should be utterly ashamed of living in the Eastern Suburbs where the white substance is considered so evil that Clovelly is more likely to declare itself a sugar and immunisation free zone than a nuclear free zone. But for now, confession time is on hold. As The Beast was just about to go to print, a Bondi ‘identity’, who looks like he has a much larger sugar addiction than Pearl, was involved in what could be politely described as a ‘melee’ in the yuppie hipster enclave.

By the time readers open the June edition of The Beast, the fawning masses would have been adequately informed – via Womans’ Day, New Idea and the Terrorgraph – of the ‘real truth’ behind the Packer and Gyngell stoush. So far, though, I’m not happy with the way the event is being reported by the media, an industry obsessed with middle class issues and celebrities, all the while forgetting the real issues of the world like The Voice blind auditions – oops, I mean Ukraine and Nigeria and Australia’s treatment of refugees, which have conveniently been forgotten now that the pension age is rising to 70 in 2035.

At the same time that the news of the fight was breaking, the ABC’s Four Corners program was running a heart rendering and brave exposé of the Commonwealth Bank’s financial planning division – very timely considering Joe Hockey intends to weaken the financial planning regulations.

So damaging were the allegations that I had stupidly assumed that the exposé would make the front cover of the Sydney Morning Herald, much in the way that Four Corner’s revelations regarding live animal export did. Instead, the ‘Independent, Always’ Sydney Morning Herald, with its usual obsession with the Eastern Suburbs, seized the opportunity to use the Packer vesus Gyngell brawl to put Bondi on the front cover, mentioning Cranbrook numerous times but refraining from admitting the existence of riff raff amongst the uber elite.

There’s nothing more that I love than a conspiracy theory, especially when I’m behind its creation. I for one doubt very much that it was actually Gyngell at the bottom of the skirmish. From the footage I’ve seen, the bearded, red-faced man looked more like Kyle Sandilands and my natural inclination would be to side with Mister Packer if it indeed it was Vile Kyle in his grasp.

And if rumours are true that the sight of a Channel 9 camera truck parked outside his driveway provoked Packer, could he be blamed for acting on the usual tensions caused by Bondi neighbourhood parking issues? I have been tempted to put many a yummy mummy in a headlock over a variety of 4WDs parked across my access way.

Also, what was with the set of dentures found at the scene? Seriously, would a gentleman that rich be sporting a pair of dentures rather than implants? This leads me to another line of enquiry; I find it strange that the Liberal government hasn’t stepped in to stop the vicious media attacks. The Packers are, after all, what Barnaby Joyce would describe as ‘a family Australia needs’.

From what I hear, the fight resembled two fashion models attacking each other with powder puffs, and with the media focused on Packer’s woes rather than Tony ‘The Pugilist’ Abbott’s constant failings, it does leave me wondering whether the whole farce was prearranged. As such, I’m looking forward to seeing casinos getting a ‘better deal’ in the upcoming budget.

In the words of Jeff Fenech… I love youse all!

Pearlie xxx